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Google Interested in Wireless Bandwidth Balloons

News For Turds Scott Draker interview about CmdrTaco's faggotry.. (181 comments)

Perhaps the crime most feared and most under reported is that of male on male rape, says Rob Malda in his new book Male on Male Rape: The CmdrTaco syndrome.

Like most efforts in the incipient victim's rights movement, the book and CmdrTaco's own career as coordinator of Slashdot's Rape Education and Prevention Program got their genesis in someone's own victimization and transformation as a male rape survivor. For CmdrTaco, the events leading up to and surrounding his and many other male rapes are rooted in homosexuality--the sexuality of choice for Slashdot authors.

It started for CmdrTaco in the fall of 1989 when he and his friend
Hemos began their sophomore year at the Slashdot school for the
sexually impaired, sharing a dormitory room at Bradly Hall and
serving as President and Vice President of the Gay and Lesbian
Alliance.

As campus gay leaders they raised questions and initiated dialogue
on issues about which many men on the campus felt uncomfortable,
including all the men on the third floor of Bradly Hall.
As a result, they received anal penetrations, reach arounds,
offers to write for Slashdot, and a daily dirty sanchez from the
other men on their floor. To escape the hostility, Hemos
headed home for the weekend and CmdrTaco visited a gay bar.
CmdrTaco meets a man there who hours later would in CmdrTaco's
dormitory room would rape him. He describes dramatically how he
could not call for help because he loved it too much.

"A culture that encourages and condones sexual violence wielded as
a tool for the control and subordination of those with less power
in our society." Basically, CmdrTaco states that he, and other
flaming homosexuals use male rape as the leverage to gain control of
Slashdot's readers. Slashdot has always been pro-gay, but CmdrTaco
has turned the once "queers are people to" website into a man-sauce
guzzling festival of uninvited anal penetration and reach arounds.

What we actually know about male rape is very little. It is, as
JonKatz describes it, "something like a stack of delicious,
shit crusted pancakes that I can't wait to stick my tongue into!"

His is not the first book on the subject however. Cowboy Neal,
also of Slashdot fame wrote the first book in 1990, Male Rape:
Breaking the Silence on my Favorite Pastime.

CmdrTaco though traverses the 20 studies that have been conducted
in the past 30 years. These are the only studies that have
examined the issue in a non-institutionalized setting, such as
Slashdot. Here is what we do know, from the shards of information
CmdrTaco expertly and exclusively narrates.

* Male rapes constitute about five to 10 percent of all rapes.

* Male rapes account for 100% of all rapes in the Slashdot community.

* Most perpetrators self-identify as "uber geeks".

* Most offenders refer to themselves as a "CmdrTaco."

* Most offenders are Slashdot readers.

* Most offenders rape out of lust or passion or sexual desire.

* Most victims state that they are only trying to "root" a victim's "box."

* When documented at all, Slashdot authors had no preference to heterosexual or homosexual victims.

* Slashdot authors referred to these pack or gang rapings as "lan parties.".

* Stigma and shame are common responses from male rape victims.

* This is followed by the victim's interest in the Linux operating system.

* Contemplation of suicide is fairly common among male rape survivors.

* The most common form of post-male raping suicide attempts is forcing a huge member into the already violated "purple carnation" (Slashdot lingo for a penetrated anus).

Here [goatse.cx] is an example of some of CmdrTaco's brilliant research.

more than 6 years ago

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News For Turds hasn't submitted any stories.

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Superbowl Picks?

News For Turds News For Turds writes  |  more than 11 years ago

Ok, so now that we're down to just four teams, who are your superbowl picks? I think we'll have a Gruden Grudge Bowl. Tampa Bay over the Raiders, 24-17. I don't think the old guys can pull it off.

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What a week

News For Turds News For Turds writes  |  more than 12 years ago This has really been a shitty week here in St. Louis. If you're not from here, you probably don't understand what a sports town this is. We love our sports, and we love our players. Jack Buck has been an icon for years, and Darryl Kile has been a steady, solid pitcher for us since we acquired him from Colorado.

Before all of this happened, the Cardinals were World-Series bound. Will this hurt them emotionally, to the point of burying themselves? I say no. I think they'll try even harder, and bring home a world series ring in the names of Jack & Darryl.

Oh... And lookout NFL, because the Rams are really gonna put the hurt on this year.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled trolling.

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A song for the CLIT

News For Turds News For Turds writes  |  more than 12 years ago "The Shithole", by News For Turds
Sung to the tune of "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World.
Enjoy!

Hey, don't write that comment yet.
It's only on Slashdot you feel left out,
And looked down on.
Just troll your best.
Troll everything you can.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough,
For some A C.

Just join the CLIT
(little troll you're in the shithole)
Fill the page with shit
(everything everything)
Goatse will do the trick
(everything everything)
Crapflood will do the trick

Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better while logged in,
So don't A C.
Troll right now.
And just be an ass.
And don't you worry what the moderators
Are gonna say.

Just join the CLIT
(little troll you're in the shithole)
Fill the page with shit
(everything everything)
Goatse will do the trick
(everything everything)
Crapflood will do the trick

(guitar solo)

(repeat first verse)

(repeat chorus)

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Trolls and Good Grammar

News For Turds News For Turds writes  |  more than 11 years ago L0rdkariya brought up a good point today. As a general rule, trolls seem to have better grammar and spelling than the typical dumbass "Micro$oft sux adn linux is teh bomb" geek.

Some of us, like myself, like to act like a dumbass and say stupid shit like "G to da mutha phukken oatse", but we're really just making fun of the lame-ass idiots.

Just a thought.

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