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Ubisoft Revokes Digital Keys For Games Purchased Via Unauthorised Retailers

Nyder Re:Everyone back up a step... (454 comments)


Ubisoft claims (for what it's worth) that the only digital keys that they revoked were those purchased fraudulently with stolen credit cards.

No one has a right to keep stolen property. If you buy a watch in a pawn shop, and the police come for it because it's stolen, you forfeit the watch. Don't get me wrong - I absolutely detest Ubisoft, ever since XIII, and will never buy another product of theirs...I hope their corporate building burns down, they lose their IP to someone, and the name Ubisoft becomes a curseword...

But at the same time, clamoring that the stolen goods you purchased on the black market were taken away from you doesn't garner sympathy.

You sound like all the losers on reddit that doesn't grasp the reality of the situation.

2 days ago

Anonymous Asks Activists To Fight Pedophiles In 'Operation Deatheaters'

Nyder Re:Think of the children! (408 comments)

Boston Marathon Bomber case comes to mind...

Yes, that comes to mind to me also, proof that the NSA has been wasting our tax payers money for a decade...

2 days ago

Doomsday Clock Moved Two Minutes Forward, To 23:57

Nyder I got a better clock (215 comments)

It's always set to 4:20.

3 days ago

Twitter Moves To Curb Instagram Links

Nyder Don't use either (114 comments)

So they can fight over their users till the cows come home, I don't care. They will be replaced by the next big thing within 5 years anyways.

3 days ago

NVIDIA Responds To GTX 970 Memory Bug

Nyder Re:False Advertising (145 comments)

I'm just going to come out and say that to advertise the card with 4GB, but then disable any amount of it, is false advertising.

i agree. however in this case, all 4 Gigabytes are accessible, they simply aren't accessible at the same speed. the final 500MB is "slow" to access but it's still there and you can still access it.

So the Amiga Chip ram https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/... is back in style huh? but seriously, I have a 970 and I'm a bit miffed. Maybe it's time to see if those laser cuts can be bridged...

3 days ago

Ask Slashdot: Where Can You Get a Good 3-Button Mouse Today?

Nyder Don't get your problem and don't care. (422 comments)

First, not all mice are same. If you have a problem with clicking the wheel mouse on your current mouse, then get a new brand of mouse.

Next, go to Reddit and post these stupid questions in the /r/pcmasterrace because they are better suited to your stupid fucking questions.

3 days ago

Microsoft Reveals Windows 10 Will Be a Free Upgrade

Nyder Re:Only for the first year (570 comments)

I think the key question is what happens after the first year? How much does it cost after year 1? If you don't pay will it brick your PC or just stop providing updates?

That isn't free. But then, i never pay for MS products, so it's all free to me regardless.

about a week ago

Silk Road 2.0 Deputy Arrested

Nyder Re:Homeland Security? Everyone is a terrorist (126 comments)

Heroin was the best medicine I ever had. It calmed me down, made me able to function without the constant "white noise" that makes me so anxious around people. The biggest problem with heroin was its illegality.

How much music has been produced on heroin? Charlie Parker, John Coltrane, Miles Davis, Keith Richards, Kurt Cobain, Chet Baker, Art Pepper, etc. Obviously you can execute lots of intricate muscle movements to control the sound produced by your instrument, while high. Listen to Charlie Parker Live at Carnegie Hall; it's documented that he shot up right before the concert. Can you hear it in his playing? Can you hear his creativity and energy?

While recording "Kind of Blue" the story goes that all the musicians would be off shooting up before takes. And Kind of Blue sold, and still sells.

In conclusion, heroin is a tool, a technology, a medicine. Give everyone access to all the knowledge we have and let each person decide for themselves. Also, do research to eliminate unwanted side effects, to produce better drugs. And just let ppl choose for themselves.

Heroin is one of the worst drugs I have encountered and used. Very few people can lead a functional life while being a heroin addict. Besides the lying & stealing a person who is addicted will do to their family, there is the mental consequences of it. People that are addicted to heroin are more likely to get mad when something happens, more likely to explode in a rage when shit doesn't go there way. Thinking of others feelings doesn't matter to the heroin addict because all they think about is doing their next fix. Nothing matters but that next fix. Kids are crying, don't care because you are sick and need a fix. Kids are hungry, but you have no food because you need all your money for your next fix.

Fuck heroin and fuck heroin users. There is NO "good" heroin user. Regardless.

about a week ago

Parents Investigated For Neglect For Letting Kids Walk Home Alone

Nyder Times have changed. (783 comments)

By the time I was 10, not only did I have a paper route that took me a few miles from home, I had a bike that gave me greater range. This was the late 70's to early 80's. Was normal. Today we have cellphones, gps and people are tripping because a 6 & 10 year old was walking home together?

I don't believe the USA is more violent then it was before, I believe that people are just more aware of bad shit that happens because you have a non stop stream of information, pictures and videos coming from various sources. Bad shit happens, yes, but it doesn't mean you need to lock your kids in your house and never let them out of your sight.

about two weeks ago

Porn Companies Are Going After GitHub

Nyder Re:Nope (165 comments)

Not the porn companies.
In most cases these aren't even the porn companies. It's a scam. If they can get the ISP to hand over your name... and they can in some cases... then they send you threatening letters: "On suchandsuch date you downloaded our film 'Priests and Alterboys 5' illegally. Pay us $5000 or we will sue you" And then they send it certified mail to your front door. The signature requirement means there's a 50/50 chance they get your wife and how much would you pay to avoid that happening?

It's a scam, plain and simple.

I have a wife?

about three weeks ago

Archive.org Adds Close To 2,400 DOS Games

Nyder Re:So is the Internet Archive just a piracy site n (198 comments)

The Internet Archive has a laudable goal, but these days they seem to just be shooting for straight-up piracy, not only hosting copies of games that are still for sale, but making them playable right on their site... I mean, they've got Street Fighter II in their arcade section...

To be honest, I'm shocked nobody has sued them yet. They really don't have any fair use defense.

See, this is how the Copyright Cartels want you to think. It's not piracy, and it is fair use. If a owner of any of the software has a problem, they can ask for it to be removed.

about three weeks ago

Super-Sensitive Motion Sensor Could Be Used To Hunt For Extraterrestrial Life

Nyder Re:Develop laser pistols first (38 comments)

We're going about this all wrong. Develop laser pistols before motion scanners. Doesn't help to know where the aliens are if you're shooting lead at them. I suppose you could load up on grenades... And don't bother with medkits until you get power armor.

True story.

about a month ago

Ask Slashdot: What Should We Do About the DDoS Problem?

Nyder Seem it would be easy to identify on the ISP side (312 comments)

How about a capability limit? Should be pretty obvious when suddenly an IP address starts getting hit with a lot of traffic. I would think that you could use the data of what the regular traffic is, and when it suddenly spikes by 1000x then you know an attack is on the way. So why couldn't an ISP, who is sending the packets to the server, slow it down when suddenly your getting a way higher number of packets to this server?

about a month ago

Norse Security IDs 6, Including Ex-Employee, As Sony Hack Perpetrators

Nyder Told you it wasn't North Korea (158 comments)

And yet I was called a North Korean and other things for saying what is obvious.

Love the internet. So fuck you all. I was right and you FBI/President believing dumb fucks are wrong, again.

As I said before, the USA owes the NK a big fucking apology.

about a month ago

N. Korea Blames US For Internet Outage, Compares Obama to "a Monkey"

Nyder Re:They have a good point (206 comments)

Not going to reply to anonymous cowards. If you got the balls to challenge what I say, then log in and let your opinion be heard.

about a month ago

N. Korea Blames US For Internet Outage, Compares Obama to "a Monkey"

Nyder Re:Prediction: (206 comments)

Not sure what you are going on about, but here is the reality.

North Korea didn't hack Sony.
The President was quick to publicly blame North Korea. Said we would retaliate in some way.
North Korea's internet goes down.

What I see is a bully nation, the USA, blaming someone without the facts, saying they'd retaliate, which then someone did retaliate, so the USA is to blame because they incited others, or possibly they themselves are responsible for the internet downtime.

Either way, the USA is the jackass in this whole scenario.

about a month ago

N. Korea Blames US For Internet Outage, Compares Obama to "a Monkey"

Nyder They have a good point (206 comments)

the US & Obama was quick to blame NK, when it was very unlikely they did it, and security experts are pointing out left & right.

Because Obama saying NK did it and we would retaliate, and suddenly NK internet goes down, fuck ya, we are guilty as fuck.

We wrongfully blamed the NK, got people to believe our lies and then DDos or whatever happened to NK's internet. All on our heads.

Our government owes NK a big ass apology and honestly, our government, from the congress critters up to the president, including all the various NSA, CIA, and rest of the stupid shit needs to be replaced.

This is not the America I'm proud of, I'm not a bully and not happy with the bully tactics America does.

Time for a change, time to take America back.

about a month ago

Crowds (and Pirates) Flock To 'The Interview'

Nyder didn't go didn't download, don't care (148 comments)

I didn't go see it, I won't download it. I don't care about the movie.

I find the whole business with it, the hack & blaming North Korea to be a stupid fucking incident and I'm not rewarding Sony for being a cunt.

about a month ago



Mastercard and Visa start banning VPN providers

Nyder Nyder writes  |  about a year and a half ago

Nyder (754090) writes "Swedish payment service provider Payson received an email stating that VPN services are no longer allowed to accept Visa and Mastercard payments due to a recent policy change. The new policy went into effect on Monday, leaving customers with a two-day window to find a solution.

While the email remains vague about why this drastic decision was taken, in a telephone call Payson confirmed that it was complying with an urgent requirement from Visa and Mastercard to stop accepting payments for VPN services.

“It means that US companies are forcing non-American companies not to allow people to protest their privacy and be anonymous, and thus the NSA can spy even more.""

Link to Original Source

NZ High Court rules that Dotcom is to have property returned

Nyder Nyder writes  |  about a year and a half ago

Nyder (754090) writes "In a win for Dotcom's legal team, the NZ High Court ruled the warrents invalid, and is to return his possessions that aren't needed for the prosecution. The judge also ruled that the warrents didn't allow the 150 TB of data to be shipped to the FBI, and that the FBI must destroy the copies they have."
Link to Original Source

Kim Dotcom calls out Google, Twitter & Facebook over security patent

Nyder Nyder writes  |  about a year and a half ago

Nyder (754090) writes "Kim Dotcom posted via Twitter https://twitter.com/kimdotcom, with a link to Torrentfreak: http://torrentfreak.com/kim-dotcom-to-google-twitter-facebook-i-own-security-patent-work-with-me-130523/, that he owns a security patent US6078908 titled Method for authorizing in data transmission systems. https://www.google.com/patents/US6078908
In a move unlike a patent troll, he asks for the companies to help him with his legal fund. Until now, he shared it for free, but with a 50m legal defense cost and the USA Government charging him, the question is, where will he take it from here?"

McAffe Patents another way to slow your computer down.

Nyder Nyder writes  |  about 2 years ago

Nyder (754090) writes "McAffe Patents http://www.google.com/patents/WO2013055564A1?cl=en “Detect and prevent illegal consumption of content on the internet”. Deciding that their anti-virus software didn't slow your computer down enough, they developed new tech to hijack your URL access and compare them to others on their servers. Check out the flowchart: http://torrentfreak.com/mcafee-patents-technology-to-detect-and-block-pirated-content-130424/ .

Seems like whitelist/blacklist tech to me, plenty of prior art."

CT Senator wants to keep children from playing with arcade guns.

Nyder Nyder writes  |  about 2 years ago

Nyder (754090) writes "In a move that is sure to bring tears to the eyes of kids everywhere, Connecticut State Senator Toni Harp proposed a bill in January that would ban anyone younger than 18 from playing "violent point-and-shoot" video games in arcades or other public establishments.

The bill also called for research into the effects of violent video games on young minds, through a committee called the Violent Video Game Task Force within the Department of Children and Families. The task force would advise the Governor and General assembly on state programs that "may reduce the effects of violent video games on youth behavior," suggesting before the research was done that violent video games have an effect on children's actions.

Hopefully this won't pass, I guess the video game lobby hasn't paid this Senator enough "funds" for his campaign."

Link to Original Source

Anti-Piracy Chief Patents "Pay Up or Disconnect" Scheme

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 2 years ago

Nyder (754090) writes "Sick of patents? Well, this will make you puke. This Patent: http://www.freepatentsonline.com/y2012/0310846.html which is from Digital Right Corp’s CTO Robert Steele. The patent starts with a general description of the monitoring and notification process.

“The present disclosure provides a system, a method, and a computer program that may mine a data stream of infringement data over a period of time, process the mined data to find correlations in the data, and identify specific sets of IP addresses and ports associated with acts of copyright infringement,” it reads.

I guess next the Mafia will be patenting the protection scheme..."

Link to Original Source

Oracle confirms it paid journalists

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 2 years ago

Nyder (754090) writes "Oracle released 2 names it paid to "journalists" during the trial, Oracle said it had relationships with blogger Florian Mueller and Stanford University's Prof Paul Goldstein.
Google of course, said it paid no one, but "it needed further guidance before being able to disclose others it had financial ties to"."

Link to Original Source

Goatse invades the Olympics

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 2 years ago

Nyder (754090) writes "While sharing viewers ideas of what the Olympics symbol should of looked like, the BBC London News team exposed London to something a bit more...

1min 2 secs for the goodies and yes, this is safe for work."

Link to Original Source

Richard Stallman says DRM is wrong for Linux, but that's okay maybe.

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 2 years ago

Nyder (754090) writes "Richard Stallman speaks out on Steam coming to Linux, seems he is not a fan, but says this (among other things):

Nonfree game programs (like other nonfree programs) are unethical because they deny freedom to their users. (Game art is a different issue, because it isn't software.) If you want freedom, one requisite for it is not having nonfree programs on your computer. That much is clear. However, if you're going to use these games, you're better off using them on GNU/Linux rather than on Microsoft Windows. At least you avoid the harm to your freedom that Windows would do.

I think Steam DRM isn't that bad myself, and any big Developer making games for Linux is a good thing, DRM or not. Does Richard have a point, or has he done too far?"
Link to Original Source


Mom charged with hacking her kids schools computer system.

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 2 years ago

Nyder (754090) writes "A Pennsylvania mom faces six felony charges for allegedly hacking into her children's school computer to change their grades and read school officials' emails.

Catherine Venusto, 45, of New Tripoli, worked for the Northwestern Lehigh School District from 2008 through April 2011 and has at least two children in the district, according to the District Attorney's office.

She has been accused of changing her daughter's failing grade from an F to an M for "medical" in June 2010, and then changing her son's 98 to a 99 in February 2012, nearly a year after she quit her job as an administrative office secretary to work at another school district.

One of those moms who probably did her kids homework also, so it's not surprising to me that she's going to have to hack the computer system to change the grades, since they will fail on tests. What sort of lessons does this teach her kids?"

Link to Original Source

Nvidia Forums Hacked

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 2 years ago

Nyder (754090) writes "I received the following email:

Dear NVIDIA Forum User,

We suspended operations of the NVIDIA Forums last week in response to suspicious activity and immediately began an investigation. We apologize that our continuing investigation is taking this long. Know that we are working around the clock to ensure that secure operations can be restored.

Our investigation has identified that unauthorized third parties gained access to some user information, including:

            email address
            hashed passwords with random salt value
            public-facing “About Me” profile information

NVIDIA did not store any passwords in clear text. “About Me” optional profiles could include a user’s title, age, birthdate, gender, location, interests, email and website URL – all of which was already publicly accessible.

NVIDIA is continuing to investigate this matter and is working to restore the Forums as soon as possible. We are employing additional security measures to minimize the impact of future attacks.

All user passwords for our Forums will be reset when the system comes back online. At that time, an email with a temporary password, along with instructions on how to change it, will be sent to your registered email address.

As a precautionary measure, we strongly recommend that you change any identical passwords that you may be using elsewhere.

NVIDIA does not request sensitive information by email. Do not provide personal, financial or sensitive information (including new passwords) in response to any email purporting to be sent by an NVIDIA employee or representative.

Check back on the NVIDIA Forums for updates.

Seems to me they are in denial a bit, because they don't want to admit passwords got stolen, though hashed and salted, still. Guess being cheap on Internet security isn't the way to go..."

McDonalds DNA Spray to Stop Thieves

Nyder Nyder writes  |  about 3 years ago

Nyder (754090) writes "McDonalds is testing out a new DNA spray in some of it's Australian outlets. Developed by an UK Cop & Chemist, it's a synthetic DNA solution, invisible under normal light, visible under UV. If the tests go well, they'll deploy it to all 730 outlets across Australia.

While I can see the use of this for somethings, McDonalds? Is people stealing napkins and straws that bad down under? Not surprised by people making this though. Just waiting on my fake DNA crime covering spray."

Link to Original Source

Fixing Harddrives

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 3 years ago

Nyder (754090) writes "Like most of us, I get harddrive problems. The problem? Hard to find info on what exactly is wrong, is if fixable, how to fix it and when to give up.

I have 4 harddrives that can be seen by the bios, seen inside windows (cept they can't be initialzed), but I can't get any old info off of them, or new info onto them.

Forums of various harddrive companies tend to have people complaining about it happening, but never any real solutions.

And these aren't the dead harddrives of yesteryear. Usually when harddrives died, they died. You knew they were dead, you moved on. Today? They don't seem dead, in fact, it seems more like a scam to sell more harddrives then anything else.

Hoping someone has some good ideas on how to fix these yourself, or what the problem is. I don't mind losing the occasional harddrive, but i've lost about as many harddrives in the last year or so, then I've ever lost in my 20+ years computing. I got 40mb IDE harddrives (and scsi of course) that are still going strong."

Apple Lied: Filed Patent for Mobile Device Trackin

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 2 years ago

Nyder (754090) writes "Apple filed for a patent in September of 2009 titled "Location Histories for Location Aware Devices" with the intent to develop services based around the company's ability to locate and track mobile devices running the iOS operating system.

The abstract of the patent reads as follows:

"A location aware mobile device can include a baseband processor for communicating with one or more communication networks, such as a cellular network or WiFi network. In some implementations, the baseband processor can collect network information (e.g., transmitter IDs) over time. Upon request by a user or application, the network information can be translated to estimated position coordinates (e.g., latitude, longitude, altitude) of the location aware device for display on a map view or for other purposes. A user or application can query the location history database with a timestamp or other query to retrieve all or part of the location history for display in a map view."

The patent text goes on to outline how the tracking data could be accessed by applications, indicating Apple intends to build salable services around the collected data and allow third parties the ability to access it:

"A user or application can query the location history database with a timestamp or other query to retrieve all or part of the location history for display in a map view. In some implementations, the size and "freshness" of the location history database can be managed by eliminating duplicate entries in the database and/or removing older entries. The location history can be used to construct a travel timeline for the location aware device. The travel timeline can be displayed in a map view or used by location aware applications running on the location aware device or on a network. In some implementations, an Application Programming Interface (API) can be used by an application to query the location history database."

The patent application then goes on to describe how the location tracking data can include transmitter identifiers that correlate the data to a specific phone — which means a specific user — and how the data can be transmitted to network servers for processing:

"In some implementations, the network information can include transmitter identifiers (IDs). For example, Cell IDs can be tracked and recorded. The Cell IDs can be mapped to corresponding cell tower locations which can be used to provide estimated position coordinates of the location aware device. When a location history is requested by a user or application (e.g., through an API), the transmitter IDs can be translated to position coordinates of the location aware device which can be reverse geocoded to map locations for display on a map view or for other purposes. In other implementations, the network information can include WiFi scan data (e.g., access point IDs) which can be used to determine position coordinates of the location aware device, which can be reverse geocoded for display on a map view. In some implementations, the network information can be sent to a network server, which can translate the network information into position coordinates, which can be returned to the location aware device for processing by a location aware application."

Revelations of the patent application now confirm suspicions that Apple was quite aware of the storage of geolocation tracking data, that it was not merely a database of Wi-Fi locations, and the building of location histories on their customers was not due to a software glitch."

Link to Original Source



Internet disconected because I download too much

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 2 years ago

Well, apparently a week after they turned my internet back on (Centuary Link), decided to disconnect me for good. Did they tell me? Nope. Did they send me a bill which i had paid 2 hours before I was disconnected? Yes. Corporate scum.

Had used them for 4 years. So back to Comcast that i dont' like, but I"m getting 4x the speed, plus almost double download limit for $10 more a month (like $75 a month).

Need to put in a complaint with the BBB since they do NOT have any ways of monitoring your download amount, and do NOT warn you when you are close to the limit.

I did send an email to EFF, but I don't think they will reply back. You'd think it would be something they'd be interested in, but maybe i'm biased.

anyways, dont' get the internet installed too monday, forced to use the buildings wifi.

I'm not pissed as much about limits, i'm pissed that I had NO way to see where my download limit was at, wasn't able to do anything, and instead of them working with me, they disconnected me and won't give me any service.

And no, i never got any notices about downloading copyrighted material and it wasn't about that. In fact, they would be very hard pressed to find any proof that I downloaded copyrighted materifals.

Nope, it's about them not making as much money off me because I downloaded more then the 250gbs they think is enough.


Goatse has Olympic spirit.

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 2 years ago


Watch the video, at 1min 2secs you'll see someone's idea of a better Olympic Symbol. Shit is so fucking funny, I spent 5 mins laughing and crying.

I did put in a submission but my subs don't ever make it. But I had to share.


What happened to security?

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 2 years ago

So the new Star Wars MMORPG is having a free weekend, thought i'd check it out. It want's a new account made, and says it can be linked later to your EA Games/Origin account. Cool. It also wants a password with at least 1 capital letter and 1 number. Cool. I do that.

So today, i try to do some things on my Lord of Ultima game i play, an EA Games Play for free or whatever stupid name they use for that. And guess what? Shit ain't working right. So i decide to logout and log back in, and guess what? My fucking password doesn't work. Which password works? The new one I made for the Star Wars game.

Ya, completely different system, and yet, now i have the same account name (my email address of course, required) and the same fucking password to a bunch of different EA Games.

Where the fuck is the security in that? We have been told for years to use a different password for your different accounts and now the big companies that already criminalize their users are saying, "Fuck you, we don't care about account security, or you. Just your money."


thanks for the spam, slashdot

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 3 years ago

1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1. % 1 Billion dollars of budget deficit = 1 Gramm-Rudman 6.023 x 10 to the 23rd power alligator pears = Avocado's number 2 pints = 1 Cavort Basic unit of Laryngitis = The Hoarsepower Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line 6 Curses = 1 Hexahex 3500 Calories = 1 Food Pound 1 Mole = 007 Secret Agents 1 Mole = 25 Cagey Bees 1 Dog Pound = 16 oz. of Alpo 1000 beers served at a Twins game = 1 Killibrew 2.4 statute miles of surgical tubing at Yale U. = 1 I.V.League 2000 pounds of chinese soup = 1 Won Ton 10 to the minus 6th power mouthwashes = 1 Microscope Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier = 1 Machturtle 8 Catfish = 1 Octo-puss 365 Days of drinking Lo-Cal beer. = 1 Lite-year 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling Force needed to accelerate 2.2lbs of cookies = 1 Fig-newton to 1 meter per second One half large intestine = 1 Semicolon 10 to the minus 6th power Movie = 1 Microfilm 1000 pains = 1 Megahertz 1 Word = 1 Millipicture 1 Sagan = Billions & Billions 1 Angstrom: measure of computer anxiety = 1000 nail-bytes 10 to the 12th power microphones = 1 Megaphone 10 to the 6th power Bicycles = 2 megacycles The amount of beauty required launch 1 ship = 1 Millihelen % (1) A sheet of paper is an ink-lined plane. (2) An inclined plane is a slope up. (3) A slow pup is a lazy dog. QED: A sheet of paper is a lazy dog. -- Willard Espy, "An Almanac of Words at Play" % (1) Alexander the Great was a great general. (2) Great generals are forewarned. (3) Forewarned is forearmed. (4) Four is an even number. (5) Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have. (6) The only number that is both even and odd is infinity. Therefore, all horses are black. % (1) Alexander the Great was a great general. (2) Great generals are forewarned. (3) Forewarned is forearmed. (4) Four is an even number. (5) Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have. (6) The only number that is both even and odd is infinity. Therefore, Alexander the Great had an infinite number of arms. % (1) Never draw what you can copy. (2) Never copy what you can trace. (3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down. % (1) X=Y ; Given (2) X^2=XY ; Multiply both sides by X (3) X^2-Y^2=XY-Y^2 ; Subtract Y^2 from both sides (4) (X+Y)(X-Y)=Y(X-Y) ; Factor (5) X+Y=Y ; Cancel out (X-Y) term (6) 2Y=Y ; Substitute X for Y, by equation 1 (7) 2=1 ; Divide both sides by Y -- "Omni", proof that 2 equals 1 % 1.79 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight -- it's not just a good idea, it's the law! % 10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0. % 13. ... r-q1 % "355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation!" % 7,140 pounds on the Sun 97 pounds on Mercury or Mars 255 pounds on Earth 232 pounds on Venus or Uranus 43 pounds on the Moon 648 pounds on Jupiter 275 pounds on Saturn 303 pounds on Neptune 13 pounds on Pluto -- How much Elvis Presley would weigh at various places in the solar system. % A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to the West. They drove to the airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and found there was no pilot on board. Terrified, they listened as the sirens got louder. Finally, one of the scientists suggested that since he was an experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft. He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The sirens got louder and louder. Armed men surrounded the jet. The would be pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please take off now!!! Hurry!!!" The experimentalist calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane." % A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking. % A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen % A fail-safe circuit will destroy others. -- Klipstein % A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection. % "A fractal is by definition a set for which the Hausdorff Besicovitch dimension strictly exceeds the topological dimension." -- Mandelbrot, "The Fractal Geometry of Nature" % A gangster assembled an engineer, a chemist, and a physicist. He explained that he was entering a horse in a race the following week and the three assembled guys had the job of assuring that the gangster's horse would win. They were to reconvene the day before the race to tell the gangster how they each propose to ensure a win. When they reconvened the gangster started with the engineer: Gangster: OK, Mr. engineer, what have you got? Engineer: Well, I've invented a way to weave metallic threads into the saddle blanket so that they will act as the plates of a battery and provide electrical shock to the horse. G: That's very good! But let's hear from the chemist. Chemist: I've synthesized a powerful stimulant that disolves into simple blood sugars after ten minutes and therefore cannot be detected in post-race tests. G: Excellent, excellent! But I want to hear from the physicist before I decide what to do. Physicist? Physicist: Well, first consider a spherical horse in simple harmonic motion... % "A horrible little boy came up to me and said, `You know in your book The Martian Chronicles?' I said, `Yes?' He said, `You know where you talk about Deimos rising in the East?' I said, `Yes?' He said `No.' -- So I hit him." -- attributed to Ray Bradbury % A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems. -- P. Erdos % A mathematician, a doctor, and an engineer are walking on the beach and observe a team of lifeguards pumping the stomach of a drowned woman. As they watch, water, sand, snails and such come out of the pump. The doctor watches for a while and says: "Keep pumping, men, you may yet save her!!" The mathematician does some calculations and says: "According to my understanding of the size of that pump, you have already pumped more water from her body than could be contained in a cylinder 4 feet in diameter and 6 feet high." The engineer says: "I think she's sitting in a puddle." % A method of solution is perfect if we can forsee from the start, and even prove, that following that method we shall attain our aim. -- Leibnitz % A pain in the ass of major dimensions. -- C.A. Desoer, on the solution of non-linear circuits % A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms. -- George Wald % A rope lying over the top of a fence is the same length on each side. It weighs one third of a pound per foot. On one end hangs a monkey holding a banana, and on the other end a weight equal to the weight of the monkey. The banana weighs two ounces per inch. The rope is as long (in feet) as the age of the monkey (in years), and the weight of the monkey (in ounces) is the same as the age of the monkey's mother. The combined age of the monkey and its mother is thirty years. One half of the weight of the monkey, plus the weight of the banana, is one forth as much as the weight of the weight and the weight of the rope. The monkey's mother is half as old as the monkey will be when it is three times as old as its mother was when she she was half as old as the monkey will be when when it is as old as its mother will be when she is four times as old as the monkey was when it was twice as its mother was when she was one third as old as the monkey was when it was old as is mother was when she was three times as old as the monkey was when it was one fourth as old as it is now. How long is the banana? % A scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it. -- Max Planck % A sense of desolation and uncertainty, of futility, of the baselessness of aspirations, of the vanity of endeavor, and a thirst for a life giving water which seems suddenly to have failed, are the signs in conciousness of this necessary reorganization of our lives. It is difficult to believe that this state of mind can be produced by the recognition of such facts as that unsupported stones always fall to the ground. -- J.W.N. Sullivan % A Severe Strain on the Credulity As a method of sending a missile to the higher, and even to the highest parts of the earth's atmospheric envelope, Professor Goddard's rocket is a practicable and therefore promising device. It is when one considers the multiple-charge rocket as a traveler to the moon that one begins to doubt... for after the rocket quits our air and really starts on its journey, its flight would be neither accelerated nor maintained by the explosion of the charges it then might have left. Professor Goddard, with his "chair" in Clark College and countenancing of the Smithsonian Institution, does not know the relation of action to re-action, and of the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react... Of course he only seems to lack the knowledge ladled out daily in high schools. -- New York Times Editorial, 1920 % A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least the end of the blackboard. -- Prof. Steiner % A social scientist, studying the culture and traditions of a small North African tribe, found a woman still practicing the ancient art of matchmaking. Locally, she was known as the Moor, the marrier. % A statistician, who refused to fly after reading of the alarmingly high probability that there will be a bomb on any given plane, realized that the probability of there being two bombs on any given flight is very low. Now, whenever he flies, he carries a bomb with him. % A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first. % A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle. % According to convention there is a sweet and a bitter, a hot and a cold, and according to convention, there is an order. In truth, there are atoms and a void. -- Democritus, 400 B.C. % According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless. % ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets. Relaxen und vatch das blinkenlights!!! % Actually, the probability is 100% that the elevator will be going in the right direction. Proof by induction: N=1. Trivially true, since both you and the elevator only have one floor to go to. Assume true for N, prove for N+1: If you are on any of the first N floors, then it is true by the induction hypothesis. If you are on the N+1st floor, then both you and the elevator have only one choice, namely down. Therefore, it is true for all N+1 floors. QED. % After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn. % After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found on the bench. % After the Children of Israel had wandered for thirty-nine years in the wilderness, Ferdinand Feghoot arrived to make sure that they would finally find and enter the Promised Land. With him, he brought his favorite robot, faithful old Yewtoo Artoo, to carry his gear and do assorted camp chores. The Israelites soon got over their initial fear of the robot and, as the months passed, became very fond of him. Patriarchs took to discussing abtruse theological problems with him, and each evening the children all gathered to hear the many stories with which he was programmed. Therefore it came as a great shock to them when, just as their journey was ending, he abruptly wore out. Even Feghoot couldn't console them. "It may be true, Ferdinand Feghoot," said Moses, "that our friend Yewtoo Artoo was soulless, but we cannot believe it. He must be properly interred. We cannot embalm him as do the Egyptians. Nor have we wood for a coffin. But I do have a most splendid skin from one of Pharoah's own cattle. We shall bury him in it." Feghoot agreed. "Yes, let this be his last rusting place." "Rusting?" Moses cried. "Not in this dreadful dry desert!" "Ah!" sighed Ferdinand Feghoot, shedding a tear, "I fear you do not realize the full significance of Pharoah's oxhide!" -- Grendel Briarton "Through Time & Space With Ferdinand Feghoot!" % After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed. % After this was written there appeared a remarkable posthumous memoir that throws some doubt on Millikan's leading role in these experiments. Harvey Fletcher (1884-1981), who was a graduate student at the University of Chicago, at Millikan's suggestion worked on the measurement of electronic charge for his doctoral thesis, and co-authored some of the early papers on this subject with Millikan. Fletcher left a manuscript with a friend with instructions that it be published after his death; the manuscript was published in Physics Today, June 1982, page 43. In it, Fletcher claims that he was the first to do the experiment with oil drops, was the first to measure charges on single droplets, and may have been the first to suggest the use of oil. According to Fletcher, he had expected to be co-authored with Millikan on the crucial first article announcing the measurement of the electronic charge, but was talked out of this by Millikan. -- Steven Weinberg, "The Discovery of Subatomic Particles" Robert Millikan is generally credited with making the first really precise measurement of the charge on an electron and was awarded the Nobel Prize in 1923. % After years of research, scientists recently reported that there is, indeed, arroz in Spanish Harlem. % Against his wishes, a math teacher's classroom was remodeled. Ever since, he's been talking about the good old dais. His students planted a small orchard in his honor; the trees all have square roots. % Air is water with holes in it. % Air pollution is really making us pay through the nose. % Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio, replied: "You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat." % Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in New York, and still waiting for a dial tone. % Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. -- Philippe Schnoebelen % All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing without thinking. % All great discoveries are made by mistake. -- Young % All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time. % All laws are simulations of reality. -- John C. Lilly % All life evolves by the differential survival of replicating entities. -- Dawkins % All power corrupts, but we need electricity. % All science is either physics or stamp collecting. -- Ernest Rutherford % All seems condemned in the long run to approximate a state akin to Gaussian noise. -- James Martin % All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism. % All the evidence concerning the universe has not yet been collected, so there's still hope. % All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists know it. -- Richard P. Feynman % Although the moon is smaller than the earth, it is farther away. % Although we modern persons tend to take our electric lights, radios, mixers, etc., for granted, hundreds of years ago people did not have any of these things, which is just as well because there was no place to plug them in. Then along came the first Electrical Pioneer, Benjamin Franklin, who flew a kite in a lighting storm and received a serious electrical shock. This proved that lighting was powered by the same force as carpets, but it also damaged Franklin's brain so severely that he started speaking only in incomprehensible maxims, such as "A penny saved is a penny earned." Eventually he had to be given a job running the post office. -- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?" % Always draw your curves, then plot your reading. % Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out. % Always think of something new; this helps you forget your last rotten idea. -- Seth Frankel % Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way. % An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it. -- James Michener, "Space" % An American scientist once visited the offices of the great Nobel prize winning physicist, Niels Bohr, in Copenhagen. He was amazed to find that over Bohr's desk was a horseshoe, securely nailed to the wall, with the open end up in the approved manner (so it would catch the good luck and not let it spill out). The American said with a nervous laugh, "Surely you don't believe the horseshoe will bring you good luck, do you, Professor Bohr? After all, as a scientist --" Bohr chuckled. "I believe no such thing, my good friend. Not at all. I am scarcely likely to believe in such foolish nonsense. However, I am told that a horseshoe will bring you good luck whether you believe in it or not." % An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax. -- David Letterman % An architect's first work is apt to be spare and clean. He knows he doesn't know what he's doing, so he does it carefully and with great restraint. As he designs the first work, frill after frill and embellishment after embellishment occur to him. These get stored away to be used "next time." Sooner or later the first system is finished, and the architect, with firm confidence and a demonstrated mastery of that class of systems, is ready to build a second system. This second is the most dangerous system a man ever designs. When he does his third and later ones, his prior experiences will confirm each other as to the general characteristics of such systems, and their differences will identify those parts of his experience that are particular and not generalizable. The general tendency is to over-design the second system, using all the ideas and frills that were cautiously sidetracked on the first one. The result, as Ovid says, is a "big pile." -- Frederick Brooks, "The Mythical Man Month" % An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you really care to know. % An economist is a man who would marry Farrah Fawcett-Majors for her money. % An egghead is one who stands firmly on both feet, in mid-air, on both sides of an issue. -- Homer Ferguson % An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician find themselves in an anecdote, indeed an anecdote quite similar to many that you have no doubt already heard. After some observations and rough calculations the engineer realizes the situation and starts laughing. A few minutes later the physicist understands too and chuckles to himself happily as he now has enough experimental evidence to publish a paper. This leaves the mathematician somewhat perplexed, as he had observed right away that he was the subject of an anecdote, and deduced quite rapidly the presence of humour from similar anecdotes, but considers this anecdote to be too trivial a corollary to be significant, let alone funny. % And the French medical anatomist Etienne Serres really did argue that black males are primitive because the distance between their navel and penis remains small (relative to body height) throughout life, while white children begin with a small separation but increase it during growth -- the rising belly button as a mark of progress. -- S.J. Gould, "Racism and Recapitulation" % And this is a table ma'am. What in essence it consists of is a horizontal rectilinear plane surface maintained by four vertical columnar supports, which we call legs. The tables in this laboratory, ma'am, are as advanced in design as one will find anywhere in the world. -- Michael Frayn, "The Tin Men" % ... Another writer again agreed with all my generalities, but said that as an inveterate skeptic I have closed my mind to the truth. Most notably I have ignored the evidence for an Earth that is six thousand years old. Well, I haven't ignored it; I considered the purported evidence and *then* rejected it. There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between prejudice and postjudice. Prejudice is making a judgment before you have looked at the facts. Postjudice is making a judgment afterwards. Prejudice is terrible, in the sense that you commit injustices and you make serious mistakes. Postjudice is not terrible. You can't be perfect of course; you may make mistakes also. But it is permissible to make a judgment after you have examined the evidence. In some circles it is even encouraged. -- Carl Sagan, "The Burden of Skepticism" % Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable, and three parts which are still under development. % Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo. % Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur C. Clarke % Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not make messes in the house. -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love" % Anyone who imagines that all fruits ripen at the same time as the strawberries, knows nothing about grapes. -- Philippus Paracelsus % "Anything created must necessarily be inferior to the essence of the creator." -- Claude Shouse "Einstein's mother must have been one heck of a physicist." -- Joseph C. Wang % Anything cut to length will be too short. % Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. -- Mickey Mouse % Artificial intelligence has the same relation to intelligence as artificial flowers have to flowers. -- David Parnas % "As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls." -- Matt Cartmill % As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. -- Albert Einstein % As you will see, I told them, in no uncertain terms, to see Figure one. -- Dave "First Strike" Pare % Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if one went to Harvard). -- Edgar R. Fiedler % At any given moment, an arrow must be either where it is or where it is not. But obviously it cannot be where it is not. And if it is where it is, that is equivalent to saying that it is at rest. -- Zeno's paradox of the moving (still?) arrow % At the heart of science is an essential tension between two seemingly contradictory attitudes -- an openness to new ideas, no matter how bizarre or counterintuitive they may be, and the most ruthless skeptical scrutiny of all ideas, old and new. This is how deep truths are winnowed from deep nonsense. Of course, scientists make mistakes in trying to understand the world, but there is a built-in error-correcting mechanism: The collective enterprise of creative thinking and skeptical thinking together keeps the field on track. -- Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection" % Back in the early 60's, touch tone phones only had 10 buttons. Some military versions had 16, while the 12 button jobs were used only by people who had "diva" (digital inquiry, voice answerback) systems -- mainly banks. Since in those days, only Western Electric made "data sets" (modems) the problems of terminology were all Bell System. We used to struggle with written descriptions of dial pads that were unfamiliar to most people (most phones were rotary then.) Partly in jest, some AT&T engineering types (there was no marketing in the good old days, which is why they were the good old days) made up the term "octalthorpe" (note spelling) to denote the "pound sign." Presumably because it has 8 points sticking out. It never really caught on. % Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers. -- Tom Lehrer % Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego. % Besides the device, the box should contain: * Eight little rectangular snippets of paper that say "WARNING" * A plastic packet containing four 5/17 inch pilfer grommets and two club-ended 6/93 inch boxcar prawns. YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPLY: a matrix wrench and 60,000 feet of tram cable. IF ANYTHING IS DAMAGED OR MISSING: You IMMEDIATELY should turn to your spouse and say: "Margaret, you know why this country can't make a car that can get all the way through the drive-through at Burger King without a major transmission overhaul? Because nobody cares, that's why." WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret. -- Dave Barry, "Read This First!" % Between infinite and short there is a big difference. -- G.H. Gonnet % Biology grows on you. % Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division. % Bistromathics is simply a revolutionary new way of understanding the behavior of numbers. Just as Einstein observed that space was not an absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in space, and that time was not an absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in time, so it is now realized that numbers are not absolute, but depend on the observer's movement in restaurants. -- Douglas Adams % But it does move! -- Galileo Galilei % But you who live on dreams, you are better pleased with the sophistical reasoning and frauds of talkers about great and uncertain matters than those who speak of certain and natural matters, not of such lofty nature. -- Leonardo Da Vinci, "The Codex on the Flight of Birds" % Celestial navigation is based on the premise that the Earth is the center of the universe. The premise is wrong, but the navigation works. An incorrect model can be a useful tool. -- Kelvin Throop III % Chapter 2: Newtonian Growth and Decay The growth-decay formulas were developed in the trivial fashion by Isaac Newton's famous brother Phigg. His idea was to provide an equation that would describe a quantity that would dwindle and dwindle, but never quite reach zero. Historically, he was merely trying to work out his mortgage. Another versatile equation also emerged, one which would define a function that would continue to grow, but never reach unity. This equation can be applied to charging capacitors, over-damped springs, and the human race in general. % Chemist who falls in acid is absorbed in work. % Chemist who falls in acid will be tripping for weeks. % Chemistry is applied theology. -- Augustus Stanley Owsley III % Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react. % Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that you undoubtably will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer maneuver. Which is why we ask you to PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE. YOU ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDER AND SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH THE KNOBS, RIGHT? AND YOU'RE JUST NOW STARTING TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS, RIGHT??? WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT? -- Dave Barry, "Read This First!" % "Consider a spherical bear, in simple harmonic motion..." -- Professor in the UCB physics department % "Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic!" -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass" % "Deep" is a word like "theory" or "semantic" -- it implies all sorts of marvelous things. It's one thing to be able to say "I've got a theory", quite another to say "I've got a semantic theory", but, ah, those who can claim "I've got a deep semantic theory", they are truly blessed. -- Randy Davis % Did you hear that there's a group of South American Indians that worship the number zero? Is nothing sacred? % Did you hear that two rabbits escaped from the zoo and so far they have only recaptured 116 of them? % Did you know that if you took all the economists in the world and lined them up end to end, they'd still point in the wrong direction? % Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term, convertible only through the use of weird and unnatural conversion factors. Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight. % Dinosaurs aren't extinct. They've just learned to hide in the trees. % Do molecular biologists wear designer genes? % Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together ... -- Carl Zwanzig % E = MC ** 2 +- 3db % Earl Wiener, 55, a University of Miami professor of management science, telling the Airline Pilots Association (in jest) about 21st century aircraft: "The crew will consist of one pilot and a dog. The pilot will nurture and feed the dog. The dog will be there to bite the pilot if he touches anything. -- Fortune, Sept. 26, 1988 [the *magazine*, silly!] % Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. -- John Kenneth Galbraith % Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't. -- Robert Orben % Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor. -- Edgar R. Fiedler % Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles, called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. Electrons travel at the speed of light, which in most American homes is 110 volts per hour. This is very fast. In the time it has taken you to read this sentence so far, an electron could have traveled all the way from San Francisco to Hackensack, New Jersey, although God alone knows why it would want to. The five main kinds of electricity are alternating current, direct current, lightning, static, and European. Most American homes have alternating current, which means that the electricity goes in one direction for a while, then goes in the other direction. This prevents harmful electron buildup in the wires. -- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw" % Elegance and truth are inversely related. -- Becker's Razor % Elliptic paraboloids for sale. % Entropy isn't what it used to be. % Entropy requires no maintenance. -- Markoff Chaney % Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking. -- Jerome Lettvin % Eureka! -- Archimedes % Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own. -- Don Vonada % Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis. It makes sense, when you don't think about it. % Every paper published in a respectable journal should have a preface by the author stating why he is publishing the article, and what value he sees in it. I have no hope that this practice will ever be adopted. -- Morris Kline % Everyone knows that dragons don't exist. But while this simplistic formulation may satisfy the layman, it does not suffice for the scientific mind. The School of Higher Neantical Nillity is in fact wholly unconcerned with what ____does exist. Indeed, the banality of existence has been so amply demonstrated, there is no need for us to discuss it any further here. The brilliant Cerebron, attacking the problem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon: the mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical. They were all, one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely different way ... -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad" % Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. -- Albert Einstein % Everything that can be invented has been invented. -- Charles Duell, Director of U.S. Patent Office, 1899 % Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less obvious as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no solids in the universe. There's not even a suggestion of a solid. There are no absolute continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no straight lines. -- R. Buckminster Fuller % Evolution is as much a fact as the earth turning on its axis and going around the sun. At one time this was called the Copernican theory; but, when evidence for a theory becomes so overwhelming that no informed person can doubt it, it is customary for scientists to call it a fact. That all present life descended from earlier forms, over vast stretches of geologic time, is as firmly established as Copernican cosmology. Biologists differ only with respect to theories about how the process operates. -- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life". % Experience varies directly with equipment ruined. % Experiments must be reproducible; they should all fail in the same way. % Extraordinary claims demand extraordinary proof. There are many examples of outsiders who eventually overthrew entrenched scientific orthodoxies, but they prevailed with irrefutable data. More often, egregious findings that contradict well-established research turn out to be artifacts. I have argued that accepting psychic powers, reincarnation, "cosmic conciousness," and the like, would entail fundamental revisions of the foundations of neuroscience. Before abandoning materialist theories of mind that have paid handsome dividends, we should insist on better evidence for psi phenomena than presently exists, especially when neurology and psychology themselves offer more plausible alternatives. -- Barry L. Beyerstein, "The Brain and Conciousness: Implications for Psi Phenomena". % Factorials were someone's attempt to make math LOOK exciting. % Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. % Federal grants are offered for... research into the recreation potential of interplanetary space travel for the culturally disadvantaged. % Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity. -- Robert Firth "One, two, five." -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail % Florence Flask was ... dressing for the opera when she turned to her husband and screamed, "Erlenmeyer! My joules! Someone has stolen my joules!" "Now, now, my dear," replied her husband, "keep your balance and reflux a moment. Perhaps they're mislead." "No, I know they're stolen," cried Florence. "I remember putting them in my burette ... We must call a copper." Erlenmeyer did so, and the flatfoot who turned up, one Sherlock Ohms, said the outrage looked like the work of an arch-criminal by the name of Lawrence Ium. "We must be careful -- he's a free radical, ultraviolet, and dangerous. His girlfriend is a chlorine at the Palladium. Maybe I can catch him there." With that, he jumped on his carbon cycle in an activated state and sped off along the reaction pathway ... -- Daniel B. Murphy, "Precipitations" % For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. -- H. L. Mencken % For God's sake, stop researching for a while and begin to think! % For large values of one, one equals two, for small values of two. % Fortunately, the responsibility for providing evidence is on the part of the person making the claim, not the critic. It is not the responsibility of UFO skeptics to prove that a UFO has never existed, nor is it the responsibility of paranormal-health-claims skeptics to prove that crystals or colored lights never healed anyone. The skeptic's role is to point out claims that are not adequately supported by acceptable evidcence and to provide plausible alternative explanations that are more in keeping with the accepted body of scientific evidence. -- Thomas L. Creed, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII, No. 2, pg. 215 % FORTUNE'S FUN FACTS TO KNOW AND TELL: #1 A guinea pig is not from Guinea but a rodent from South America. A firefly is not a fly, but a beetle. A giant panda bear is really a member of the racoon family. A black panther is really a leopard that has a solid black coat rather then a spotted one. Peanuts are not really nuts. The majority of nuts grow on trees while peauts grow underground. They are classified as a legume -- part of the pea family. A cucumber is not a vegetable but a fruit. % FORTUNE'S FUN FACTS TO KNOW AND TELL: #44 Zebras are colored with dark stripes on a light background. % FORTUNE'S GUIDE TO DEALING WITH REAL-LIFE SCIENCE FICTION: #14 What to do... if reality disappears? Hope this one doesn't happen to you. There isn't much that you can do about it. It will probably be quite unpleasant. if you meet an older version of yourself who has invented a time traveling machine, and has come from the future to meet you? Play this one by the book. Ask about the stock market and cash in. Don't forget to invent a time traveling machine and visit your younger self before you die, or you will create a paradox. If you expect this to be tricky, make sure to ask for the principles behind time travel, and possibly schematics. Never, NEVER, ask when you'll die, or if you'll marry your current SO. % FORTUNE'S GUIDE TO DEALING WITH REAL-LIFE SCIENCE FICTION: #2 What to do... if you get a phone call from Mars: Speak slowly and be sure to enunciate your words properly. Limit your vocabulary to simple words. Try to determine if you are speaking to someone in a leadership capacity, or an ordinary citizen. if he, she or it doesn't speak English? Hang up. There's no sense in trying to learn Martian over the phone. If your Martian really had something important to say to you, he, she or it would have taken the trouble to learn the language before calling. if you get a phone call from Jupiter? Explain to your caller, politely but firmly, that being from Jupiter, he, she or it is not "life as we know it". Try to terminate the conversation as soon as possible. It will not profit you, and the charges may have been reversed. % FORTUNE'S GUIDE TO DEALING WITH REAL-LIFE SCIENCE FICTION: #6 What to do... if a starship, equipped with an FTL hyperdrive lands in your backyard? First of all, do not run after your camera. You will not have any film, and, given the state of computer animation, noone will believe you anyway. Be polite. Remember, if they have an FTL hyperdrive, they can probably vaporize you, should they find you to be rude. Direct them to the White House lawn, which is where they probably wanted to land, anyway. A good road map should help. if you wake up in the middle of the night, and discover that your closet contains an alternate dimension? Don't walk in. You almost certainly will not be able to get back, and alternate dimensions are almost never any fun. Remain calm and go back to bed. Close the door first, so that the cat does not wander off. Check your closet in the morning. If it still contains an alternate dimension, nail it shut. % Friction is a drag. % Fundamentally, there may be no basis for anything. % Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should. % (German philosopher) Georg Wilhelm Hegel, on his deathbed, complained, "Only one man ever understood me." He fell silent for a while and then added, "And he didn't understand me." % God doesn't play dice. -- Albert Einstein % God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. -- Kronecker % God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean. -- Albert Einstein % God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. -- William Bragg % Going the speed of light is bad for your age. % Good morning. This is the telephone company. Due to repairs, we're giving you advance notice that your service will be cut off indefinitely at ten o'clock. That's two minutes from now. % Gosh that takes me back... or is it forward? That's the trouble with time travel, you never can tell." -- Doctor Who, "Androids of Tara" % Got Mole problems? Call Avogadro at 6.02 x 10^23. % Gravity brings me down. % Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks. % GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY (#7): April 2, 1751 Issac Newton becomes discouraged when he falls up a flight of stairs. % Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. -- Albert Einstein They laughed at Einstein. They laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. -- Carl Sagan % He keeps differentiating, flying off on a tangent. % He: Let's end it all, bequeathin' our brains to science. She: What?!? Science got enough trouble with their OWN brains. -- Walt Kelly % Heard that the next Space Shuttle is supposed to carry several Guernsey cows? It's gonna be the herd shot 'round the world. % Heavier than air flying machines are impossible. -- Lord Kelvin, President, Royal Society, c. 1895 % Heisenberg may have been here. % Heisenberg may have slept here... % Help fight continental drift. % Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical lesson: On a cool, dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach your hand into a friend's mouth and touch one of his dental fillings. Did you notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in pain? This teaches us that electricity can be a very powerful force, but we must never use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an important electrical lesson. It also teaches us how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons", which are very small objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpets so they will attract dirt. The electrons travel through your bloodstream and collect in your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your friend's filling, then travels down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit. Amazing Electronic Fact: If you scuffed your feet long enough without touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your finger would explode! But this is nothing to worry about unless you have carpeting. -- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?" % Hi! How are things going? (just fine, thank you...) Great! Say, could I bother you for a question? (you just asked one...) Well, how about one more? (one more than the first one?) Yes. (you already asked that...) [at this point, Alphonso gets smart... ] May I ask two questions, sir? (no.) May I ask ONE then? (nope...) Then may I ask, sir, how I may ask you a question? (yes, you may.) Sir, how may I ask you a question? (you must ask for retroactive question asking privileges for the number of questions you have asked, then ask for that number plus two, one for the current question, and one for the next one) Sir, may I ask nine questions? (go right ahead...) % Houston, Tranquillity Base here. The Eagle has landed. -- Neil Armstrong % How can you do 'New Math' problems with an 'Old Math' mind? -- Charles Schulz % How many weeks are there in a light year? % How often I found where I should be going only by setting out for somewhere else. -- R. Buckminster Fuller % Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill. % I am not an Economist. I am an honest man! -- Paul McCracken % I cannot believe that God plays dice with the cosmos. -- Albert Einstein, on the randomness of quantum mechanics % I do hate sums. There is no greater mistake than to call arithmetic an exact science. There are permutations and aberrations discernible to minds entirely noble like mine; subtle variations which ordinary accountants fail to discover; hidden laws of number which it requires a mind like mine to perceive. For instance, if you add a sum from the bottom up, and then again from the top down, the result is always different. -- Mrs. La Touche % I do not remember ever having seen a sustained argument by an author which, starting from philosophical premises likely to meet with general acceptance, reached the conclusion that a praiseworthy ordering of one's life is to devote it to research in mathematics. -- Sir Edmund Whittaker, "Scientific American", Vol. 183 % "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes. Just then, he vanished. % I had a feeling once about mathematics -- that I saw it all. Depth beyond depth was revealed to me -- the Byss and the Abyss. I saw -- as one might see the transit of Venus or even the Lord Mayor's Show -- a quantity passing through infinity and changing its sign from plus to minus. I saw exactly why it happened and why tergiversation was inevitable -- but it was after dinner and I let it go. -- Winston Churchill % I have a theory that it's impossible to prove anything, but I can't prove it. % "I have examined Bogota," he said, "and the case is clearer to me. I think very probably he might be cured." "That is what I have always hoped," said old Yacob. "His brain is affected," said the blind doctor. The elders murmured assent. "Now, what affects it?" "Ah!" said old Yacob. "This," said the doctor, answering his own question. "Those queer things that are called the eyes, and which exist to make an agreeable soft depression in the face, are diseased, in the case of Bogota, in such a way as to affect his brain. They are greatly distended, he has eyelashes, and his eyelids move, and cosequently his brain is in a state of constant irritation and distraction." "Yes?" said old Yacob. "Yes?" "And I think I may say with reasonable certainty that, in order to cure him completely, all that we need do is a simple and easy surgical operation -- namely, to remove those irritant bodies." "And then he will be sane?" "Then he will be perfectly sane, and a quite admirable citizen." "Thank heaven for science!" said old Yacob. -- H.G. Wells, "The Country of the Blind" % I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning. -- Plato % I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated. -- Poul Anderson % I myself have dreamed up a structure intermediate between Dyson spheres and planets. Build a ring 93 million miles in radius -- one Earth orbit -- around the sun. If we have the mass of Jupiter to work with, and if we make it a thousand miles wide, we get a thickness of about a thousand feet for the base. And it has advantages. The Ringworld will be much sturdier than a Dyson sphere. We can spin it on its axis for gravity. A rotation speed of 770 m/s will give us a gravity of one Earth normal. We wouldn't even need to roof it over. Place walls one thousand miles high at each edge, facing the sun. Very little air will leak over the edges. Lord knows the thing is roomy enough. With three million times the surface area of the Earth, it will be some time before anyone complains of the crowding. -- Larry Niven, "Ringworld" % I put up my thumb... and it blotted out the planet Earth. -- Neil Armstrong % I tell them to turn to the study of mathematics, for it is only there that they might escape the lusts of the flesh. -- Thomas Mann, "The Magic Mountain" % "I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3 because I couldn't remember the proof." -- Baker, Pure Math 351a % I THINK MAN INVENTED THE CAR by instinct. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. % "I think the sky is blue because it's a shift from black through purple to blue, and it has to do with where the light is. You know, the farther we get into darkness, and there's a shifting of color of light into the blueness, and I think as you go farther and farther away from the reflected light we have from the sun or the light that's bouncing off this earth, uh, the darker it gets ... I think if you look at the color scale, you start at black, move it through purple, move it on out, it's the shifting of color. We mentioned before about the stars singing, and that's one of the effects of the shifting of colors." -- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club % I THINK THERE SHOULD BE SOMETHING in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect." -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. % I THINK THEY SHOULD CONTINUE the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for paneling. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. % I use technology in order to hate it more properly. -- Nam June Paik % I would have you imagine, then, that there exists in the mind of man a block of wax... and that we remember and know what is imprinted as long as the image lasts; but when the image is effaced, or cannot be taken, then we forget or do not know. -- Plato, Dialogs, Theateus 191 [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when referring to image activation and termination.] % I'm often asked the question, "Do you think there is extraterrestrial intelli- gence?" I give the standard arguments -- there are a lot of places out there, and use the word *billions*, and so on. And then I say it would be astonishing to me if there weren't extraterrestrial intelligence, but of course there is as yet no compelling evidence for it. And then I'm asked, "Yeah, but what do you really think?" I say, "I just told you what I really think." "Yeah, but what's your gut feeling?" But I try not to think with my gut. Really, it's okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in. -- Carl Sagan % If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law. -- Roy Santoro % If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus forecast is a camel's behind. -- Edgar R. Fiedler % If A equals success, then the formula is _A = _X + _Y + _Z. _X is work. _Y is play. _Z is keep your mouth shut. -- Albert Einstein % If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. -- John Kenneth Galbraith % If all the world's economists were laid end to end, we wouldn't reach a conclusion. -- William Baumol % If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. % If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from? % If for every rule there is an exception, then we have established that there is an exception to every rule. If we accept "For every rule there is an exception" as a rule, then we must concede that there may not be an exception after all, since the rule states that there is always the possibility of exception, and if we follow it to its logical end we must agree that there can be an exception to the rule that for every rule there is an exception. -- Bill Boquist % If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions? % If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. -- Albert Einstein % If I have not seen so far it is because I stood in giant's footsteps. % If I set here and stare at nothing long enough, people might think I'm an engineer working on something. -- S.R. McElroy % If in any problem you find yourself doing an immense amount of work, the answer can be obtained by simple inspection. % If it is a Miracle, any sort of evidence will answer, but if it is a Fact, proof is necessary. -- Samuel Clemens % If it smells it's chemistry, if it crawls it's biology, if it doesn't work it's physics. % If it wasn't for Newton, we wouldn't have to eat bruised apples. % If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by the page number. % If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world. One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability. -- Vannevar Bush % If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it. -- Stanley Garn % If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. -- Albert Einstein % If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't. % If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you. -- Muhammad Ali % "If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely." % If you analyse anything, you destroy it. -- Arthur Miller % If you are smart enough to know that you're not smart enough to be an Engineer, then you're in Business. % If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious. % If you haven't enjoyed the material in the last few lectures then a career in chartered accountancy beckons. -- Advice from the lecturer in the middle of the Stochastic Systems course. % If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine, you won't get any ice. If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get ice, but no cup. % If you rap your knuckles against a window jamb or door, if you brush your leg against a bed or desk, if you catch your foot in a curled- up corner of a rug, or strike a toe against a desk or chair, go back and repeat the sequence. You will find yourself surprised how far off course you were to hit that window jamb, that door, that chair. Get back on course and do it again. How can you pilot a spacecraft if you can't find your way around your own apartment? -- William S. Burroughs % If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research. -- Wilson Mizner % If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. % Imagination is more important than knowledge. -- Albert Einstein % In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of stairs. % In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles. % In a minimum-phase system there is an inextricable link between frequency response, phase response and transient response, as they are all merely transforms of one another. This combined with minimalization of open-loop errors in output amplifiers and correct compensation for non-linear passive crossover network loading can lead to a significant decrease in system resolution lost. However, this all means jack when you listen to Pink Floyd. % IN MY OPINION anyone interested in improving himself should not rule out becoming pure energy. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. % In Nature there are neither rewards nor punishments, there are consequences. -- R.G. Ingersoll % In order to dial out, it is necessary to broaden one's dimension. % "In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos % In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion. -- Carl Sagan, 1987 CSICOP keynote address % "In short, _N is Richardian if, and only if, _N is not Richardian." % In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's. % In the beginning there was nothing. And the Lord said "Let There Be Light!" And still there was nothing, but at least now you could see it. % In the beginning there was only one kind of Mathematician, created by the Great Mathamatical Spirit form the Book: the Topologist. And they grew to large numbers and prospered. One day they looked up in the heavens and desired to reach up as far as the eye could see. So they set out in building a Mathematical edifice that was to reach up as far as "up" went. Further and further up they went ... until one night the edifice collapsed under the weight of paradox. The following morning saw only rubble where there once was a huge structure reaching to the heavens. One by one, the Mathematicians climbed out from under the rubble. It was a miracle that nobody was killed; but when they began to speak to one another, SUPRISE of all suprises! they could not understand each other. They all spoke different languages. They all fought amongst themselves and each went about their own way. To this day the Topologists remain the original Mathematicians. -- The Story of Babel % In the course of reading Hadamard's "The Psychology of Invention in the Mathematical Field", I have come across evidence supporting a fact which we coffee achievers have long appreciated: no really creative, intelligent thought is possible without a good cup of coffee. On page 14, Hadamard is discussing Poincare's theory of fuchsian groups and fuchsian functions, which he describes as "... one of his greatest discoveries, the first which consecrated his glory ..." Hadamard refers to Poincare having had a "... sleepless night which initiated all that memorable work ..." and gives the following, very revealing quote: "One evening, contrary to my custom, I drank black coffee and could not sleep. Ideas rose in crowds; I felt them collide until pairs interlocked, so to speak, making a stable combination." Too bad drinking black coffee was contrary to his custom. Maybe he could really have amounted to something as a coffee achiever. % In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is. % In these matters the only certainty is that there is nothing certain. -- Pliny the Elder % "In this replacement Earth we're building they've given me Africa to do and of course I'm doing it with all fjords again because I happen to like them, and I'm old-fashioned enough to think that they give a lovely baroque feel to a continent. And they tell me it's not equatorial enough. Equatorial!" He gave a hollow laugh. "What does it matter? Science has achieved some wonderful things, of course, but I'd far rather be happy than right any day." "And are you?" "No. That's where it all falls down, of course." "Pity," said Arthur with sympathy. "It sounded like quite a good life-style otherwise." -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" % Information is the inverse of entropy. % Interchangeable parts won't. % Invest in physics -- own a piece of Dirac! % "Irrationality is the square root of all evil" -- Douglas Hofstadter % Is knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know that? % Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? -- Kelvin Throop III % Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously? % "It could be that Walter's horse has wings" does not imply that there is any such animal as Walter's horse, only that there could be; but "Walter's horse is a thing which could have wings" does imply Walter's horse's existence. But the conjunction "Walter's horse exists, and it could be that Walter's horse has wings" still does not imply "Walter's horse is a thing that could have wings", for perhaps it can only be that Walter's horse has wings by Walter having a different horse. Nor does "Walter's horse is a thing which could have wings" conversely imply "It could be that Walter's horse has wings"; for it might be that Walter's horse could only have wings by not being Walter's horse. I would deny, though, that the formula [Necessarily if some x has property P then some x has property P] expresses a logical law, since P(x) could stand for, let us say "x is a better logician than I am", and the statement "It is necessary that if someone is a better logician than I am then someone is a better logician than I am" is false because there need not have been any me. -- A.N. Prior, "Time and Modality" % It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. % It is contrary to reasoning to say that there is a vacuum or space in which there is absolutely nothing. -- Descartes % It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. -- Woody Allen % It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem. % It is not every question that deserves an answer. -- Publilius Syrus % It is not for me to attempt to fathom the inscrutable workings of Providence. -- The Earl of Birkenhead % It is not that polar co-ordinates are complicated, it is simply that cartesian co-ordinates are simpler than they have a right to be. -- Kleppner & Kolenhow, "An Introduction to Mechanics" % It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics and chemistry. -- H.L. Mencken % It is true that if your paperboy throws your paper into the bushes for five straight days it can be explained by Newton's Law of Gravity. But it takes Murphy's law to explain why it is happening to you. % It seems intuitively obvious to me, which means that it might be wrong. -- Chris Torek % It seems that more and more mathematicians are using a new, high level language named "research student". % "It's easier said than done." ... and if you don't believe it, try proving that it's easier done than said, and you'll see that "it's easier said that `it's easier done than said' than it is done", which really proves that "it's easier said than done". % It's hard to think of you as the end result of millions of years of evolution. % It's later than you think, the joint Russian-American space mission has already begun. % It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one. -- Phil White % It's not hard to admit errors that are [only] cosmetically wrong. -- J.K. Galbraith % Just because they are called 'forbidden' transitions does not mean that they are forbidden. They are less allowed than allowed transitions, if you see what I mean. -- From a Part 2 Quantum Mechanics lecture. % Kleeneness is next to Godelness. % Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within. % Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer. Now I are won. % Lawrence Radiation Laboratory keeps all its data in an old gray trunk. % Life is a biochemical reaction to the stimulus of the surrounding environment in a stable ecosphere, while a bowl of cherries is a round container filled with little red fruits on sticks. % Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while. % Life is difficult because it is non-linear. % Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*. % Logic is a pretty flower that smells bad. % Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. % Logic is the chastity belt of the mind! % Love makes the world go 'round, with a little help from intrinsic angular momentum. % Lucas is the source of many of the components of the legendarily reliable British automotive electrical systems. Professionals call the company "The Prince of Darkness". Of course, if Lucas were to design and manufacture nuclear weapons, World War III would never get off the ground. The British don't like warm beer any more than the Americans do. The British drink warm beer because they have Lucas refrigerators. % Ma Bell is a mean mother! % Machines have less problems. I'd like to be a machine. -- Andy Warhol % Make it myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist! % Make it right before you make it faster. % Man will never fly. Space travel is merely a dream. All aspirin is alike. % MATH AND ALCOHOL DON'T MIX! Please, don't drink and derive. Mathematicians Against Drunk Deriving % Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated. -- R. Drabek % Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe % Mathematicians often resort to something called Hilbert space, which is described as being n-dimensional. Like modern sex, any number can play. -- Dr. Thor Wald, "Beep/The Quincunx of Time", by James Blish % Mathematicians practice absolute freedom. -- Henry Adams % Mathematics deals exclusively with the relations of concepts to each other without consideration of their relation to experience. -- Albert Einstein % Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what one is talking about nor whether what is said is true. -- Russell % Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth but supreme beauty -- a beauty cold and austere, like that of a sculpture, without appe


Will the real Slashdot please stand up?

Nyder Nyder writes  |  about 4 years ago

I've been on slashdot for some years now. While I don't have a really low number, it's still okay. But I'm not a number, i'm a Free? Man.

Anyways, I'd like to discuss the new Slashdot look.

It sucks.

For example, look at this post:


You see my reply? I quoted dudes above me, yet you can't tell that on mine, it looks like they are just indented.

Also, I typed up a reply to someone, only to have the whole thing disappear on me. Not disappear when I hit preview, while I was typing, it just up and left. No, i didn't accidently hit select all and delete. I'm not that stoned yet. (working on it though).

Sure, I'm old, in my 40's. But i'm not afraid of new stuff. yet, sometimes change isn't needed. Slashdot isn't perfect, but it was better then it is now. Seriously, this new theme sucks dog shit.

I don't care about Web 2.0, or whatever. I just want quick loading pages, that make sense in it's display, and doesn't do weird ass shit on me.

Am I asking too much?

Get off my lawn?


http://slashdot.org/~djlowe/ made me his foe.

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 4 years ago

I got a foe. sweet.

I wonder what I did to make me his foe? Was I an ass? Did I point out something he was doing that was stupid?

Or is he religious and doesn't like my views on how peeps who believe in them are stupid dumb ass people who shouldn't breathe the air we have?
Or maybe he works for MS and doesn't like that I bash them, because they deserve it?
Or maybe, just maybe, he got butthurt over a comment I did, and decided to get revenge the only way he could, by making me a foe?

And now that I am his foe (this is my first foe, i think), what do I do? Do I invite him to parties and give him the wrong date/address?
Do I have to send him Holiday cards (postage due, of course)?

Well, i'm new to all this, but yes, I accept your Foe challenge.

Do we dual or something? Maybe play some hardcore online scrabble?

Anyways, let me know what I did to make you my foe, so I can keep doing it.



people are so fun

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 9 years ago

I forgot how fun it is getting people to do what you want them to. Little pushes here and there, defient for a bit, then apologetic for how you are acting. Few choice words, and there you go.

Well anyways, sort of pointless. I don't really enjoy it, but I guess if I put myself in those situations, then I have to do something to keep myself going.


just so you stupid mods know...

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 9 years ago

I am definetly not trolling when I tell AC to log in and post their comment. What I am trying to do, is hopefully get losers to realise that if they log in, even under a different name, that what they say might be more accepted.

But what I'm discovering is the mod points is very much a waste of a system. AC is almost a waste, but I wouldn't call then anonymous cowards, i'd call them dumbshits who aren't smart enought to log in.

I never use AC, and I don't give a fuck about karma. I enjoy slashdot when we got decent posts with comments on topic. I don't mind AC comments, just hate the ones where AC say "Mod this person down, he's a known ...(fill whatever here)" that is stupid. If you got a problem with a person that posts, log in and say it. AC posts like that are a waste. But what cracks me up the most, is people are wasting their points and karma to mod me troll then offtopic (though i'm not sure offtopic takes mod points).

This is why I almost never use my mod points anymore. And it's sad, that suddenly when I post, I get mod points. Like the system is desperate for mods or something. So for everyone person like me, their must be 10 loser with mod points.

This was a good system, now, I'm not so sure. But I do enjoy reading the stories and some comments from people that know (and the slamming the people who know do to people who think they know, but don't.)

Well, Happy fucking Easter to you all, may all your rights disappear since you are sitting back and doing nothing about our corrupt government.

Be seeing you...


here I am, 4 megs short...

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 9 years ago

Guess I haven't posted here in awhile. But then, no one reads it, so it's not like I have an audiance that I need to entertain.
Staying at a horrible place, that has 4 old computers, P2-350mhz, they all yhave the ragepro2 cards, but not enought disk space. on one of them I put System Shock 2, and it works decently enough. only 1 of the other 3 have enough disk room to put it on, but as luck would have it, it's the only 4meg vid card (the other 3 are 8meg) and SS2 will not play on it. So much for multiplayer fps. Maybe I can find something else that will work, but my best bet is to swap this card for another one when I put in the working CD drives. Oh, it's running 2000 with all access only on the admin account. Since I don't have admin access, I can't do much till the person in charge lets me do some work. of course, I guess I can work on my hacking skills.

well, got Dr Who audio dramas playing on my CD/mp3 player, my GBA recharging (been playing pokemon crystal), so i will finish doing my slashdot browsing.

be seeing you...

oh, ya, funny after I post that I haven't been using my mod points because I'm starting to feel it's pointless, and guess what, I get mod points.
Probably because I posted a few. crazy


another birthday

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 10 years ago

Well, another year older today. Guess that means I get to reflect on life. Okay. Time went by so slow when I was a kid. Now it goes fast. I'm sure it will keep getting faster, or I should say, my perception of how time moves will be used to it more, so it will seem to go faster. Maybe not.

Anyways, not doing anything exciting. Thought I was going over to my friend Steve, but he never called me back. And I have a rule about calling people on my birthday, so I guess I'm staying home. Which is okay. I got a little smoke, so I guess I'm set. Too bad nothing on TV that I like, but not like that is unusal or anything. Well, guess I'll go play some EQ, so take it easy.


a post I made is considered *flamebait* what a joke!

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 10 years ago

Got to love slashdot at times. I make an innocent question/observation of bluetooth and seem to have offended some people! Not mention getting typicalized.

idiots. makes me laugh. now I understand why some people get all worked up about mod'ders. Doesn't mean I agree with them, quite the opposite actually, but I do now understand why they get pitted. I personally chalk it up to people are stupid.

but the funny part is, besides the couple of items some people mention, the majority of stuff does not have bluetooth support.
Yes, logitech has a bluetooth keyboard and I think 2 different mice, but they have like 20 other keyboards, not bluetooth. Very few motherboards come with bluetooth in them. sure, you can get an add on card that has bluetooth, but you have a larger selection of wireless cards.

I know this isn't the place for this, but I'm not repling back to the discussion because there is 1 thing I almost never do here at slashdot, and that's to go back to disccustions I replied or posted to, and respond to the responses to my post.

Sorry, NO. they only reason I knew about this is because the settings told me I have a message waiting for me. need to turn that off, but I do like to know if something I posted was helpful to others.



Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 10 years ago

Well, play EQ lastnight, no problem, except that the screen at 1024x768 instead of the 1200x1024 I'm used to. I'm currently using an apple studio display (15" flatscreen digital connection) but I have a Sony Multiscan 17se (BNC connectors in the back) that I had been using. It's currently on my TV computer. the screens not bad, just a few small inperfections, but I can go beyond 1200x1024 on it, up to like 1900x1600 or something, but I noticed that all res's above 1200x1024 seem to be the same, except the icons get smaller. =)

Just not sure I want to watch TV on the lcd. need to get my tv. probably in a couple of weeks.

anyways, boring all in all, except my brother called, wants to set up a server for his business. least he knows who to call for his computer needs. =)


thursday, smackdown, wifi, and free internet

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 10 years ago

Okay, well, got a place to live now. So I got both the computers I currently have with me up. my amd is being my TV, since it has the tuner in it. Though, my tv tuner needs to go into a multimedia pc i'm going to make. anyways, i haven't yet figure what my gaming machine is going to be, but I currently have the P4 as the gaming machine, and currently I'm not sure it's hardly faster then my amd. Need a better motherboard for the P4 is the reality of the situation. Got some wifi working. unfortunetly, the nice connection drops out on me, but this other one isn't, even though it's only connecting about 2mbs, but that's better then dialup. I get decent connection so far. will see after I get everquest all updated.

When there's trouble you know who to call...
Teen Titans!

anyways, i have like an hour of updating to go, probably should of rebooted before, but didn't. oh, well.

I am no longer in the mood to do this journal. maybe because I'm broke and hungry.



Today is Friday, what are you going to do about it?

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 10 years ago

Yes, another week down. Supposedly, next week, hopefully Monday, Tuesday, I should be getting a place to call mine for 6-8 mos. cool, yes, seeing as doom III came out, and I haven't played it yet, and seeing as I have the most powerful machine out of the people I know, well, I should rock.


well, maybe, don't know until I play. Need to ge t the game though. See, I've had to do these classes for the last 3 weeks (court ordered, the bastards anyways!) but I'm done now, so I can work on downlo^H^H^H^H^H^Hstea^H^H^H^Hobtaining a copy of the game. I already have Farcry, cd and dvd version (oh, what's this, 2 DVD burners? -R and +R. Who needs 1 burner that does both when I have 2 burners that does 1 each...

What I do have though, is an external 5.25" case, USB 2.0 , maybe firewire400, not sure. that I can put 1 in, and I have an cdrw in an USB2.0 box, that I can just switch with one of the DVD burners. That way I can use which ever one I want with whatever dumbass computer I want. Seeing as I have quite a few computers, and I'm not even started yet. (Plan on a MultiMedia computer).

Well, life ain't free and I won't be stoned anymore if I don't finish reading the Naruto Manga I finally finished torrent'ng. The small doses I was getting in Shonen Jump just wetted my appetite, and the graphic novels got me hungering for more.

Can't wait till I have my own bb connection so I can get the vids...

slayer dudes!


today I got angry

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 10 years ago

I got a new mouse today. A logitech MX510. The red one (wish I was able to get a blue one, didn't even know they had that color till I check the website today). It's optical, 800 dpi, and captures 5.8 megapixels per second, and can track up to 15 G's of acceleration. I kid you not, look it up yourself: http://www.logitech.com/index.cfm/products/details/US/EN,crid=3,contentid=8070,detail=2

It's pretty nice. I do own a logitech MX700 (2 actually, 'cept one of the base doesn't send the signal to the mouse) which are sweet also. I been using a MS Explorer optical wheel mouse, and the difference is like night and day, and I haven't even used it in a game yet.

I'm wondering though, is there a difference between using a USB mouse with the PS/2 adaptor on it? Should I plug it into a usb port instead of the keyboard/mouse PS/2 port? I will try it out each way myself, anyways, but I'd love to know for a tech standpoint what the max speed the PS/2 port is cable of delivering. And what ever else applies.

Guess that don't explain why I'm angry. ya, I guess I'm still angry. People suck. People don't understand what a small step it is for some of us to stop caring about what's right and wrong, and to, well, make you accountable for what you said. And this has nothing to do with anyone online. Online people don't usually make me angry. I sort of except lameness from people online, after all, it's not like anyone can do anything about it. You don't have to be accountable for your actions online. Which sort of sucks in it's own way.

Okay, back to the good stuff. Supposed to get some housing this coming week. I hope so. Because Doom 3 is out (don't have it yet, but I got a great mouse to play it with!), and I have a 3ghz P4 that I haven't gotten to play with yet, got at least a 2 512meg DDR400, possible a 3rd one (not sure about single/dual channel on intel), but I also have my AMD XP 2600+ (I have both the barton and the one before it) that I can put dual channel a gig of DDR333 (the mb will take 400, but the fsb probably won't overclock that far, at least the 1st one I had didn't, maybe the barton will...) on a real nice MB MSI K7N2 Delta-ILSR. I have an ATI 9600 PRo 128meg card for playing, I have in the Nvidia corner, 5600, and 5200, nothing special and not nearly as good as the ATI. Next card I get is probably going to be one of the new ones, probably Nvidia because I like their software so much better. But I can't get into the hefty power requirement. Why they didn't add an external power source is beyond me. I would think that the cost would be worth it. but then I'm not in marketing, am I?

anyways, i'm going to go now. bye bye


today is a good day to get [Fill in Blank]

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 10 years ago What's up?
Que Pasa?
Well, it's 4:20 as far as I'm concerned. Lately I picked up the Half-life series, original Half-Life, as it plays on my laptop okay (if you count using the software engine, 640x480 okay) 15-20 fps is about what it averages. Can't use DirectX because the glass isn't see-thru. Looks better otherwise and plays nicer, but not sure what the fps is because fraps doesn't work under the DirectX option. Works fine is software mode though.
So I got Blue Shift, counter Strike, and Half-Life Game of the year Edition. All brand new, all were cheap. Working CD keys, so I can play online without being a sneak. =)
Just what's up with these steam stuff? Crazy, and the update from inside the half-life games is broken. the newest version seems to be later then the version half-life thinks it needs, so you can't download anything directly, you have to go to a web site. of course, I end up at fileplanet, and wait in the damn que like an idiot. on top of that blunder, I grab 8 other files, and they all want to download at the same time, and it says, sure, no problem, a few hours, tops. sike! even when I decided to close all but the shortest (15 megs) and the Counter Strike update, I only got half way through the CS because the 2 hours took longer then 4 hours and I had to go. Today I got a little smarter and used gamespot, since they start their downloads pretty much right away, and this time I'm grabbing the 20 meg 1.4 --> 1.5 update. I also have steam updateing in the background. it doesn't seem to be going superfast unless it's downloading a ton. probably reading all my data and sending it out to the spammers who are lining their pockets with Valve's money...

whatever that means, I'm not really sure myself.

anyways, the point I wanted to rant on today is:
Meta Mod and me

I metamod like a mofo. everyday I log in and I'm meta Mod'n. I do it like I'd do the jury duty if I was called to do it (thank god they don't) seriously. But, I mean, who mod's the Meta? man! sorry, I wasn't being serious their.

I read the FAQ.

I meta mod so much that I wasn't getting asked to mod normally even though it said that people that meta mod regulerly would mod more. but after reading the//slashdot.org/faq/">FAQ

now your saying, look, the clever bitch can finally put a tag inside an a href. about bloody time.

funny, I never noticed this before:

URLs http://example.com/ will auto-link a URL

thats it, I quit...

...until next time, of course. oh, the sun, the sun! aaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhh

(I live in seattle, and well, the sun just appeared from behind overcast weather, imagine the shock... this being summer and all. oh, good, its back behind clouds...


Life and how to live it....

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 10 years ago

Another holiday, unfortunetly, means my storage space is closed (actually, yesterday and today), which sucks, because I need to get into there. I need clean clothes, need to do my laundry, need to take out the P4 3ghz machine I haven't even booted up! It really sucks to have a nice machine, and by the time I get to use it, it no longer top class (and I guess we could argue it isn't top class now, but until intel actually gets some higher clocked chips out, i'll consider my 3ghz (did I mention it's 800mhz FSB chip? no? sorry) to be up towards the bottom of the top of the list. After all, how many people actually own and Extreme Edition P4? that's what I thought.

Anyways, I just have to say this, this girly-women (she's petite) is so fine. She sitting doing some writing. I'm at Cafe Vite instead of Bauhaus because it's wireless connection is usually way faster. But I have to be at the West end of the cafe because I don't hook up well on the East side. Sort of sucks, but not really. Good view today. Figures, when i stink and need to take shower, she'll probably want to talk or something. Probably not though, not like I'm some stud or not. I'm a geek after all.

Okay, enough of that.

What's up with all the modderation I am doing? Now a meta mod? What's up with that? Not that i mind though, it's just that I don't really understand the meta mod crap. okay, some of the seem obvious a bad call, but a lot of them I agree with the mods. and what's the point of taking away their names, then leaving the link so you can just click to see who left the post anyways? genius. Please, I'm not really complaining, I'm just not sure I understand completely. If I didn't want to mod, I wouldn't. What I'm think about doing is running a site using the code, so at least I get to see how it runs. =)

And what's up with the anti slashdot people? There's even a web site for them! I don't understand what some peoples obsessions with being lame is about. What, did these people feel snubbed because a post was modded down? who the fuck cares? I don't. matter of fact, I don't even read my posts after I post them. Not even to see if someone replied to them. Well, I did do that once, but I thought I had first post, which I didn't.

crap and crapola...


it's been how long? oops...

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 10 years ago

Well, guess i've been a little lazy. See i've had to get one of my harddrives ready to sell to a friend and I had to decide which one I wanted to hold on to. I have grown very attached to the dell. It's screen is great, it's body is compact and sleek and solid. It had a battery that worked. It did 1024x768. But even though the hp screen is a dual scan 800x600, and it's in bad shape, the more ram and faster processor really won out. The keyboard has already started to die, I guess. The G, H, '/", backspace, and last, but not least, the esc key stopped working. I thought it had something to do with switching wireless cards around (i'm currently using this encore 22mbps thingy, tried to put in a linksys b/g pccard, but it didn't want to work with something, i'm forget what right now) because when I switched them back, the keys were working again. but the next time I booted, the keys weren't working, and I even booted a msdos 6.22 floppy, and they still didn't work. So i guess it's hardware, since I don't have a battery, so there's no juice keeping anything alive...

Luckly I have a Logitech keyboard that came with a contoller that fit around it for the playstation 2. it has a super long cord, like 4 or 5 feet, usb. it's actually smaller then the keyboad in the laptop. it fits over the touch pad (I use an external ps2 otipcal mouse) and the first row of keys (spacebar row) but doesn't press any of them down. so I guess I got a working keyboard, and I can still get into bios with the other, unless other keys flake out.

anyways, since the cops took my cell phone, and since I finally got my irs refund check, I went to Sprint and they said that all I had to pay for a deposit was $125. I said cool, bought a Samsung Vi660 phone, and get 2 months free internet on it. signed up for the developer stuff and i'm in heaven. Got something that needs better apps for, badly...

Gives me something to do since I don't have a job.

Well, it's almost 10pm, time to get a game in, warcraft3 I think (I can play it on my 650mhz celeron mobile chip, S3 Savage IX 4 meg some 3D AGP

slayer Decade of AGgression is what i've been listening to. not that you care, but you do need to know.


okay, i'm pissed off

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 10 years ago

I'm so pissed off today, it's driving me crazy.

It started a few weeks ago. See, I'm currently jobless and homeless. I manage to get a little work fixing peoples computer, mostly word of mouth, but I do put fliers up around and get work from that. I have a prepaid cellur phone. Well, a few weeks ago, after I got done being paid for some work I did, I went strolling down broadway (I live in Seattle), to do some shopping. I was walking down the street when 2 of Seattle shittiest, I mean, fineist, police told me I was reportedly doing suspicious narcotic activities. Okay, i'm on methadone, and I smoke weed. I'm Urine Tested at least once a month, and needless to say, they are clean. And I know they weren't talking about me smoking weed somewhere, because when they emptied my pockets (which by the way, they just started to right away, didn't ask or anything) and found my weed pipe, and my small bowl of weed, they didn't say anything about that being the "narcotics" I was doing. So, I get the usual 3rd degree from these people, I tell them the truth because I have nothing to hide. They don't believe me. They are sure I'm there person because supposedly I was ID'd. I ended up having a warrent from Nov 2003, some court date that I didn't get in the mail (which was returned, when I went to court, they said it had got returned and then release me on PR). So I keep asking what this is about, since I was dong any "suspious narcotic activities" like they claim. They said it was my stupidy. really, that's why Seattle police department requires an IQ of 32.

an Office Curtis Gerry tells me that I can't smoke weed and me on methadone, that it's against they're rules and that he's going to get me kicked off. I told him which clinic I went to so he would be sure to get it right.

Anyways, in the car on the way to the East Precinct, one of the cops told me it was about arson. "That I was doing drugs behind someones house, they came out and yelled and chased me away, I got revenge by burning down his truck."
That they have the matched with my fingerprints on it. I just started laughing. They wanted to know what was so funny. first, I said, I don't ever use matches for anything, and second, you people are so stupid that it amazes me you can hold a job. I then asked what time this happened at, which he said 11:30. Since from 11:20 to 12:00 I was at a computer shop, chatting with the workers there (it's where I met the person I did work for at). So I told lame-ass, I mean, office Gerry to call.

So I'm in a waiting cell for about an hour, before they come to take me down to the jail. The officer Gerry said, I guess you were right, they don't care if you smoke weed at the methadone clinc. The loser tried to get me kicked off the program, can you believe that? Here is a guy who's suppose to protect the public, and he's trying to get someone who's getting their life together after having some bad times, trying to get me kicked off the one program that is doing me good.
But on top of that, they kept my cell phone, and decided to put it in evidence. It's either in under Narcotics investiagtion, or under investigation of stolen computer. I've been told both by different people at the police department.

I use that phone to take money, legally. And i'm really screwed because I have to get the officer to release it and i'm not sure what to do. What is my legal rights? Not to mention i'm poor and homeless who'd love to get a lawyer and sue, sue, sue, or at least just get my property back.

So i'm stuck trying to figure out what exactly to do. if anyone reads this, and defiently knows an answer, please comment back.

If anyone has a job for me, I'd love it.
I know my way around computers, hardware mainly, software very good.



which browser is better, or why does MYIE2 get no love?

Nyder Nyder writes  |  more than 10 years ago

I keep hearing how firefox is so good, mozilla is so good. they got tabs, they got popup stoppers, they got the kitchen sink. Well, I just can't seem to like them. I found MyIE2, it has everything that is needed, plus it uses the ie rendering engine, so I rarely (but does happen) need to load pages up with IE, like I usually have to do with the others at times.

I'm updating Windows 2k, so much fun. that means I get to do a little blog'n, little NEWS reading, probably use my MOD powers (2 points left!)

Just waiting to play some more Diablo II, LOD 1.10 ya baby. this time, though, i'm instead of direct draw on the neomagic, it's Direct3D on S3 piece of crap ola, that is on a agp 2x bus. I guess the question really is, is it better then an Intel 810? 'cause that's a chipset i'm familiar with, unfortunetly.

Picked up a few 12mb 3DFX vodoo monster boards, and a bunch of Mpeg decoders (hopefully mpeg 2), and a few other boards. I love to get these old cards. I build old systems for a friends relatives (nieces and nephews in mexico), so I try to find these decent old cards. I want them to have the 3l33t systems...

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