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Department of Justice Harvests Cell Phone Data Using Planes

Safety Cap Re:About time for a Free baseband processor (201 comments)

Sure they don't sell bombers and guided missiles, but then if we ever get to that point, there won't be much of a military left for the gov't to use against us, because they are US.

LOL. It is so cute when someone who has never served brings out the "they'll never attack US citizens!!! DERP!" line.

Here's how it goes down. First, the military brass will come up with some disparaging name for the citizens who are the new enemy, just as they did for every other war:

"Haji" is the troops' term of choice for an Iraqi. It's used the way "gook" or "Charlie" was used in Vietnam. "From 'Gook' to 'Raghead'"

Next, the citizens (the bad ones) are depicted as subhuman. (The government will also direct the news to depict the new enemy as dangerous psychopaths, so the average citizen will not join in the revolt.)

Final step: 6-round burst, every time. Change barrels every 10 minutes.

about two weeks ago

FBI Says It Will Hire No One Who Lies About Illegal Downloading

Safety Cap Re: Ok, but (580 comments)

~ if you want to stay married long you had better answer correctly.

Wife: "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?"

Husband: (curls up into fetal position and starts sobbing quietly to himself)

about a month ago

FBI Says It Will Hire No One Who Lies About Illegal Downloading

Safety Cap Re:Ok, but (580 comments)

~ but they're practically begging FSB and PLA to infiltrate them.

Why would the Fuqua School of Business and the Public Library Association want to infiltrate the FBI?

[Business] Leaders are [Federal] Readers?

about a month ago

How Lobby Groups Rejected the Canadian Government's Plan To Combat Patent Trolls

Safety Cap Re:Fuck you american money (57 comments)

A huge amount of the patents approved in the US boil down to "a system and methodology for doing something well known, but with a (computer|cell phone|tablet)". They're crap patents.

You're not innovating,

Yes, we are! We have increased efficiency! Used to be that one had to actually invent something useful, but we've found a way to go around all that, going directly from "something already done often, and by many" to "magic computer pixie dust, nyeh!" in one step.

And the vast majority of these patents are paid for by your asshole corporations with the full knowledge they're lousy patents to begin with.

It is the nature of capitalism to do the least possible to get the most profit. Reduce effort to zero and profit goes to infinity!

Fuck America and your deluded view about how awesome you are.

And yet, "Canada's Pants" runs the whole show.

You're a country which started off ignoring everyone else's patents and copyrights. So why the hell should the rest of the world give a shit about the stuff you do? Especially since you often just patent things other people have already invented.

Because we convinced you that we're too legit to quit. NOW who's the sucker?

Americunts go fuck yourself.

We do, regularly, and dry, too. Ever hear of Ferguson?

about a month ago

Ask Slashdot: Have You Experienced Fear Driven Development?

Safety Cap Wow... (232 comments)

I have been in a few jobs where the managers were verbally and/or emotionally abusive. In both cases I left ASAP.

THIS. Life's too short to put up with loser companies.

That being said, one needs a financial cushion of 6 months-ish. The easiest way to do that is to skim off 10% from every paycheck, no matter what.

Remember, you canâ"and should!â"evaluate the company you work for, daily. If they "fail the interview" (i.e., it is more hassle to work there than to find another job) then it is time to Let Them Go.

about 2 months ago

Predicting a Future Free of Dollar Bills

Safety Cap Re:What? (753 comments)

It would actually be easy enough for Walmart to anonymize them, by simply recording the transaction as "$50 Prepaid Debit Card" and not record which particular debit card number went to which customer. Also, if you anonymously acquire a prepaid debit card used for a transaction involved with some nefarious purpose, you still don't get picked up, because it may trace to that transaction, but it doesn't trace to you.

It would actually be easy enough for Walmart to switch to paper debit cards that had the amount of the card printed on the front. When you used that card, the cashier simply gave you lower-denomination of cards (say, a $5 debit card when you paid for a 5 dollar item with a $10 debit card).

Once this practice became pervasive enough, unfortunately the government would have to step in to create rules and regulations as to how all the printing would appear, and to prevent fraud. I suggest they mandate the use of engraved printing plates; green magnetic ink; and heavy cotton rag for the card. Oh, and to certain security features like holograms, watermarks, embedded plastic strips, etc.

My god, the level of convenience we'd enjoy would blow away any other form of paying for goods and services literally overnight.

about 4 months ago

Chinese Couple Sells Children To Support Online Game Addiction

Safety Cap Re:Silly season much (131 comments)

Who says you can't have a second child after you sold the first one?

Peasant Han: "Honest officer! Our child was sold into slavery over a year ago!"

Officer Zau kicks over the wood stove, lifts open a patch of the tile floor and shines his light into the darkness below. A dozen eyes shine back.

Officer Zau (screaming): Zui cha. Chaqu. Yongyuan!

Officer Zau unholsters her Type 15 pistol, takes aim at Han and puts her finger on the trigger.

(fade to black)

about 4 months ago

Chinese Couple Sells Children To Support Online Game Addiction

Safety Cap Re:Onlione. (131 comments)

More of that high-quality Slashdot/ editing.

Is there any other kind?</snark>

about 4 months ago

Trying to remember a conspiracy theory

Safety Cap A scary idea, if true (7 comments)

I recall an old Science Fiction story along the same lines, back in the early 80s.

The protagonist was a young man in a third-world middle-eastern shitehole. He was tired of war, of losing friends and families, when he had a revelation: the "Blue Hats" (UN) were neutral, so if he joined their "army" he'd be relatively safe and wouldn't have to fight any more.

So, he obtains a discarded steel pot and paints it blue. Reveling in his newfound "immunity," he convinces his friends and neighbors to do the same. Even the other side starts doing it until everyone is a Blue Hat -- and peace breaks out for the first time in living memory.

I forget how it ended, but the gist was that the First-World was using the Third-World as a "live culture" of warfare, to keep the former's own troops trained and budgets justified. The old sides were eventually convinced to go back to fighting one another.

about 4 months ago

Amazon Sues After Ex-Worker Takes Google Job

Safety Cap Re:Good luck with that (272 comments)

Some of the stupid interviewing criteria that my colleagues and me [sic] had to deal with boggles my mind.

Ahh, reminds me of the Angry Aussie and his response to pointless interview questions:

For instance, there was the putz I had to see this week who thought he was being really clever. It seems as though someone gave him the book of Microsoft interview questions and he was eager to show off his new "knowledge". This style of interviewing gives you abstract questions that have no relationship whatsoever to the work you'll be doing. Or to the real world.

Proponents say they're trying to see how creatively you can think. Normal humans say it's a waste of time.

about 5 months ago

Google Kills Orkut To Focus On YouTube, Blogger and Google+

Safety Cap Re:Come on Google (71 comments)

For the random people that use Orkut like others use Facebook, it really is not a lot of time to figure out what to do with potentially gigabytes of information. That holds particularly true for anyone that is not technically savvy.

How long does it take to slide over to Google Takeout and download all of your data?

A few minutes? An hour?

When Goog crushed Wave, I downloaded all my stuff in a matter of minutes. Couldn't really do much with it, but it lowered my White Hot Rage down to Red.

about 5 months ago

Ask Slashdot: Choosing a Web Language That's Long-Lived, and Not Too Buzzy?

Safety Cap How to Fail (536 comments)

  1. 1. Rewrite your code
  2. 2. Fix all the bugs you introduced that didn't exist in the original
  3. 3. (and ongoing) Run into all the edge cases that were discovered and solved years ago in the original code.
  4. 4. Spend tons of manhours and tie up your talent pool rewriting just to get where you are now instead of adding new features.
  5. 5. Embrace your FAIL

about 5 months ago

MP Says 'Failed' Piracy Warnings Should Escalate To Fines & Jail

Safety Cap Re:False Warnings? (135 comments)

The alternative I would like to see would be to forbid the company from doing business for a time equivalent of what the prison sentence would be.

Imagine if the US wasn't bought and paid for? If an oil company poisoned the gulf like what happened with the Deepwater Horizon (11 dead and massive damage to the fishing industry and the environment), the US government would simply pull its charter and be done with it: that company would cease to exist.

All the other corporations would thereafter straighten up and fly right, lest the same thing happen to them. (Or they would try to buy the government and defang it like it is now).

about 5 months ago

Mass. Supreme Court Says Defendant Can Be Compelled To Decrypt Data

Safety Cap Re:Except, of course, they have to prove you can (560 comments)

He should have remained silent. Being a lawyer he should have known that.

He must be a pretty shite lawyer. (Hopefully he isn't a criminal defense lawyer, because then he really IS a shite lawyer.)


“During his postarrest interview with State police Trooper Patrick M. Johnson, the defendant stated ... ‘[e]verything is encrypted and no one is going to get to it.’ The defendant acknowledged that he was able to perform decryption.”

What a dumb-bumble-fark. He deserves to burn for bragging/taunting the cops.

Rules for Talking to Cops

Don't talk to cops, except what you are legally required to say (you must ID yourself, to whatever extent your state's laws specify)
The only thing that should come out of your piehole from the time your are arrested (especialy during any "post-arrest 'let's get the suspect to incriminate himself' interview") are the words: "I wish to remain silent and I want a lawyer."
STFU until you get a lawyer
Remember that Everything you say will be used to burn you. Cops can lie and get away with it, and if you lie to a cop, you're fried. Do not believe anything they say, and don't try to talk your way out of it because you'll lose.
Getting (and following) legal advice from random people on the internets is about the stupidest thing you could do.

about 5 months ago

PHP Next Generation

Safety Cap Re:If PHP was a horse in the prog language race (213 comments)

I've seen the fractal article, and then I fact-checked it

Did you fact check [] it using PHP []?

I am not sure what that second bit of PHP sadness it really moaning about to be honest.

And why you fail.

about 6 months ago

PHP Next Generation

Safety Cap Only on paper (213 comments)

JS is NOT a big contender for PHP, because it isn't the functional equivalent of the double-clawed hammer.

The unwashed masses gravitate to PHP because it is very easy to get something running and imposes almost no restrictions on the developer. Thus, we get nightmares like phpBB and vBulletin.

about 6 months ago

EA Ending Online Support For Dozens of Games

Safety Cap Good luck (329 comments)

Already taken by...Pork Industries

Creation Date: 2004-10-16T18:53:36Z
Updated Date: 2012-11-12T00:24:03Z
Registry Expiry Date: 2014-10-16T18:53:36Z
Sponsoring Registrar:101domain, Inc. (R1736-LROR)
Sponsoring Registrar IANA ID: 1011
Registrant Name:Peter Woodman
Registrant Organization:pork industries, llc.
Registrant Street: 1736 Belmont Ave #608
Registrant City:Seattle
Registrant State/Province:WA
Registrant Postal Code:98122
Registrant Country:US
Registrant Phone:+1.2063518223

about 6 months ago

A Look at Smart Gun Technology

Safety Cap Re:The bigger picture (765 comments)

The odds of your gun being grabbed and used against you are high.

[citation needed]

Specifically: annual number of "gun grabs" per year (from reputable data) versus total number of firearms, correlated by geographic location.

about 6 months ago

Sex Offender Gets New Hearing After Hearing Officer Rants Against Arial Font

Safety Cap Re:Priorities much? (312 comments)

~ newly freed pervs ~

Not all SOs are perverts.

Take a leak in an alley when you're 15? You can get on the list.

Get a little drunk at a football game your freshman year and decide to streak across the field? You can get on the list.

about a year ago


Safety Cap hasn't submitted any stories.



Slashdot just isn't "it" anymore

Safety Cap Safety Cap writes  |  more than 7 years ago

My current gig is working on a major newspaper's website. Now that I have access to logs and stuff of a MSM, it is very interesting to see where the traffic comes from—and slashdot doesn't really figure into the mix, even though we've been linked.

The three biggest sources of hits are Drudge, Digg and Fark, in that order, with Drudge being larger than #2 by an order of magnitude.

Least you think this is a small-time site, the whole enchilada gets 6 million hits a month by users, sans bots.


Another Taco-brand Frequently (Mis)Answered Question

Safety Cap Safety Cap writes  |  more than 8 years ago Why did my comment get deleted?

The only time we ever delete comments is if the comment contains malformed HTML that is somehow causing Slashdot to fail to display properly. Comments are not deleted on the basis of content. [snip]

"The only time we ever delete, blah, blah, blah"?
I'm going to go with "Um, no."


Hope you had a great fourth

Safety Cap Safety Cap writes  |  more than 8 years ago

It rained here, so we didn't get to any of the parades.

I'll probably pass on the fireworks tonight, as I have to get up at 5:00 am tomorrow.


Rita - over, no real damage

Safety Cap Safety Cap writes  |  more than 9 years ago

Turns out that from our end, it was nothing.

We rode out the storm; mostly wind, a bit of light rain, and some green lightning (I was unable to get a picture of it--boo!), and that was it.

Saturday, the cable was out, so no TV or internets. We drove back to our place, hauling back the cans and water.

Observable damage:

  • A handful of trees had lost limbs,
  • One abandoned car dealership's canopy was torn from its mounts and was lying on the ground,
  • A store's fabric sign was ripped,
  • Two large flags (10-15 ft/3-4.5 m in width) were ripped and the ends were tattered, and
  • There were a billion leaves on the ground.

No mass destruction here, and the end result was (besides the green lightning) no worse than a normal Spring storm... in summer.

It is still as hot as hell (~90 f/32 c), so we didn't even get a post-storm cooling. :(


Rita Update - more desertion

Safety Cap Safety Cap writes  |  more than 9 years ago

I updated the flickr, as I took a few shots on the freeway (they're the last three). It looks like everyone who was going, is gone, because there are nearly no cars on the freeway.

Now it's just us chickens left.

This will probably be it for my updates, as one of the SO's clients invited us to stay at her place. If they have internets, then I'll try to post more later (assuming the power stays on, yadda, yadda).

If not, see you on the other side.


Rita Update - Houston is boarded up

Safety Cap Safety Cap writes  |  more than 9 years ago

We took a walk around last night and took some shots: check it.

It is really weird - the place is like a ghost town. We saw a few people walking and there were a handful of cars, but the majority of folks are gone.

The newsman said Rita will probably drop to a Cat 3 right before it hits, and she's sliding East towards Louisiana, but we'll still get much rain and wind.

I found a nice site with graphs and charts and Google Earth Hacks has some nice Rita overlays (use the site search for 'Rita' as the links are not working).

Updates as they come...


Rita Update - found more water, gas is really hard to find

Safety Cap Safety Cap writes  |  more than 9 years ago

I invited one of my Guitar mates to crash at our place if his caves in - he lives in a really flimsy place (aluminum roof), so if the wind blows hard enough, it will probably go. I also spoke with our next door neighbor to let her know to bang on our door if she needed anything, but she said she was going to stay with friends in north Houston.

The SO took me to work in her car this morning, so we can preserve the gas in the Prius. Since the Prius has nearly a full tank, we'll use that if we have to go to Austin, San Antonio or Dallas because it can go father on less. According to some of the people at work who have friends/relatives who've already left, Dallas is close to 20 hours away (normally 3 1/2) and San Antonio/Austin are about 12 each (normally about 3 as well). I guess most people are going north. Meanwhile, I-10 is a parking lot (picture).

On the way to work, we stopped at the local grocery store and they had water bottles coming out the wazoo! We picked up three cases, so that should take care of the water needs for at least a week.

Every gas station within a 2 mile radius of home is kaput. We didn't want to drive around any more and waste gas trying to find gas, but the SO found an actual operational gas station after she dropped me off. Yay!


Rita update - gas is running out, cash is gone

Safety Cap Safety Cap writes  |  more than 9 years ago

Coming home from work today was weird. All of the traffic out of town was clogged and just an awful mess. Going in to town was like there was no one alive. My trip usually takes about 25 minutes, but this time it took under 15. I always get off the freeway on an earlier exit and then take the side-streets around the mess (the exit ramp that is closest to me is the worst), but this time, there was---literally---no cars on the ramp at all.

Later, I passed 7 gas stations on the way back from guitar practice:

3 of them had long lines, stretching into the street, blocking traffic. No one seemed out of control, just everyone was trying to get their gas and go on their way.

4 of them -- all Shell stations -- were sold out. Some had plastic bags over their pump nozzles, others had some kind of red plastic placard locked onto the nozzle. Many people kept driving into these stations, probably because they figured they'd found the ONE station in all of Houston that didn't have lines, but they quickly drove on when it was obvious that there was no fuel to be had.

The banks have all but shut down. A co-worker's husband was unable to get cash this afternoon. They live on the west side of town--Katy--where everyone who is leaving to San Antonio or Austin will pass through.

My SO was able to get cash, though. She told me that the manager at the branch she went to wasn't letting any teller swap money (i.e., trading another teller a hundred-dollar bill for four twenties), so what you got was what you got. By the time she left the bank, all but one window was closed (the other tellers ran out of cash). I think all the ATMs are dry as well.

I don't believe you can buy water here, unless you are very lucky and time your visit to when the delivery truck arrives at the store. On the way to guitar practice, I stopped by a "high end" supermarket (Eatzi's) to get a snack, and I noticed that all their water was gone. This isn't some cheap old Ozarka or whatever; these waters easily cost more than $1.50 for a bottle ("designer water").


Is that the best you can do? I'm down here--come and get me!

Safety Cap Safety Cap writes  |  more than 9 years ago (cross-posted to fark)

Here in HooVille, people are paying attention probably more than usual because of Katrina. I hit the supermarket last night to grab some stuff to round out our pantry. Wow - almost all of the cans were gone, and there was not one bottle of water on the shelves. A clerk brought out a pallette of bottled waters while I was standing there; I grabbed two cases before the gathering crowd attacked.

My SO reported this AM that the lines for gas are very long. My car is full, but her's is about 5/8ths full. We'll try topping her off this evening (hopefully the stations won't run out!)

This afternoon a coworker had to go to Lowes (Home Improvement store) and reported that they were completely out of generators (idiot people, where are you going to get gas and an electrician to hook up your home circuits?).

I checked my email and found this little jem:

From: "City of Pearland" &lt;;
Subject: Important Message from the Mayor
Date: Wed, 21 Sep 2005 12:20:27 -0500

This is an emergency message from the office of the Mayor of the City
of Pearland. A very serious hurricane is approaching the area. There is
a significant probability that it will impact Pearland. Mayor Tom Reid
has issued a mandatory evacuation for those in flood prone areas and
for those who reside in mobile homes or other non-sturdy structures, and
for those with special transportation needs to leave as soon as
possible. In order to avoid heavily congested traffic conditions and limited
available routes, residents are urged to leave prior to 6 p.m. today,
Wednesday Sept. 21.

For those in need of transportation, buses will be available at 2:30
this afternoon at Jamison Middle School, 2505 Woody Rd. (immediately
north of 518 across from Frost National Bank), and Pearland Jr. High East
(one block north of 518 on Old Alvin Rd.) Persons who wish to leave but
are unable to get to those locations may call 281-652-1953,
281-652-1954, or 281-652-1960. For detailed information, go to

9/21/05 11:30 a.m.

Well the problem is that the entire "city" of Pearland IS A FLOOD-PRONE AREA!

So, all you who are also in the path, stay safe and dry - don't be the fool this year who kills him/herself by driving into the water on the submerged road.

Updates as they come...


Houston Gas Price: $2.99/gal

Safety Cap Safety Cap writes  |  more than 9 years ago Holy COW - I'm now paying just over $17/week!!!

This is totally outrageous. I mean, just a few weeks ago I was paying $14-15/week.

With my car requiring a fill-up every two weeks, this is going to be a major burden. My gas mileage has sucked a lot because I have to run the A/C all the time (thanks to the 100 degree -- sorry, 115 degree heat indexed weather).

I would consider riding a bike, but there's no way I could pedal the ~ 22 mile one-way distance to work every day (assuming I could take a shower when I got to work), 'cause it would take too long and I have too much stuff to haul (laptop + books + guitar).

Dang this sucks.


Hillary vs. Video Games: a "fair and balanced" perspective

Safety Cap Safety Cap writes  |  more than 9 years ago

Actually, it isn't: Hillary is calling for a $90 million dollar study of the effects of video games, and she's wrong, wrong, wrong. (Note: I'm the Alabama Chapter President of the Elect Hillary '08 to Bust Your Hillbilly Redneck 'Values' Club, so be warned... I might be biased.)

Anyway, the Steven Johnson over at the LA Times sums it up nicely.

In effect, video games are valuable because they teach kids to think.

Of all the games that kids play, which ones require the most mental exertion? Parents can play this at home: Try a few rounds of Monopoly or Go Fish with your kids, and see who wins. I suspect most families will find that it's a relatively even match. Then sit down and try to play "Halo 2" with the kids. You'll be lucky if you survive 10 minutes.

The great secret of today's video games that has been lost in the moral panic over "Grand Theft Auto" is how difficult the games have become. That difficulty is not merely a question of hand-eye coordination; most of today's games force kids to learn complex rule systems, master challenging new interfaces, follow dozens of shifting variables in real time and prioritize between multiple objectives. [Emphasis mine]

If Sen. Clinton wants to investigate a violent activity that children participate in, Mr. Johnson aptly suggests she go right for the belly of the beast:

I'd like to draw your attention to another game whose nonstop violence and hostility has captured the attention of millions of kids---a game that instills aggressive thoughts in the minds of its players, some of whom have gone on to commit real-world acts of violence and sexual assault after playing.

I'm talking, of course, about high school football.

Of course, no politician would go gunning for HSFB; in those tiny-ass towns across the midwest US (I had the unfortunate luck to live in several over the years), there is no more important event than the Saturday-night HS Foosball game. Yes, it may be the devil, but it is their devil, and no Yankee Carpetbagger is gonna take away their Foosball!


Developer applies to 'eminent domain' Souter's House

Safety Cap Safety Cap writes  |  more than 9 years ago

Payback, beeyatch!

A developer has applied to the city council to get a permit build a hotel on the site of Justice Souter's home. The rationale is that a hotel will bring in more funds to the city than the home currently does.

Souter, if you recall, was one of the staunch supporters of the ruling that allowed city governments to take over private land and give it to another private party if the transfer would result in increased benefit to the government.

Now the best part is that the developer doesn't even have to go through with it. All he has to do is tear up the home, break ground and then "run out of funds". (cue Nelson laugh) Ha-haa!

Update:Fixed title (damn stubby fat fingers!)


In Soviet Union the Rich Eat You!

Safety Cap Safety Cap writes  |  more than 9 years ago

I always had the idea that given enough hard work and a bit of luck, I could move up into the "upper class." I recently came to the realization that it just isn't going to happen.

Lottery winner? Please, you couldn't even buy your way into the club; the servant's entrance is around the back.

My better half, who runs a personal assistant business, just landed a client who is one of the top muckety-mucks of a F500 company. Part of the deal is they want someone "they can trust" to wire up their house for all kinds of electronic goodness (wireless/wired i-net, cable, stereo in every room, blah, blah, etc). She recommends me, so I go over to their house to see what they want and figure out how much to charge.

Okay, first of all, this house has something like 8 bedrooms (not including all the bathrooms, studies, storage areas, closets, *pant*). And it is just one of several homes they own.

How about the two closets (each one the size of my living room) that hold either the winter or summer clothes for the Missus? Yeah, her shoes have their own room, too.

Oh, and don't get me started on their five car garage. I thought I was in heaven when I finally got a two-car garage (my tools got a home! woot!)

So, I'm looking at all of this, and I'm thinking, there's no way. From what I understand, a lot of it is for "show" -- part of the rich thing is throwing lots of social events. The other part is that they can.

I'm not there, and I'm not sure I could ever be there. Throw down $10k on a shopping spree (clothes!) in one afternoon? No way. Blow $300 on lunch, every day? Get real. Fly to another state just to personally sign some papers, then get right back on the next outgoing flight (tickets all purchased that day)? You must be joking - overnight the papers to me. Hang a Picasso in your Foyer, because you can? I'll see it in a museum, thanks.


Who should write laws on marriage? State/Feds?

Safety Cap Safety Cap writes  |  more than 9 years ago

So the Nebraska state law that sripped rights from gay and lesbians to marry, have civil unions...or breathe was struck down.

"Those damn dirty 'activist' judges. Let's kill them all" -- Tom Dee-Lay

Okay, here's a radical idea: the government gets out of the 'marriage' business altogether. No one gets marriages. Instead, you apply for and are issued a civil relationship license and enter into a contract for the same. The requirements for civil contract are the same as they are now: two (or more) legal-age adults, who are of sound mind, etc.

If you want to get "married," then you go to your Church, Mosque, Temple, or Ryan's Family Steak House and get the officiant to mumble the words, light in incense and rattle the beads to complete the ceremony your individual belief system may require.

What about divorce?

That would be written into the civil contract - a method of dissolution/bailout clause/whatever.

For your "marriage," simply go to Ryan's Family Steakhouse and order the #12 without gravy.


This land has trousers, this land has lots of mousers

Safety Cap Safety Cap writes  |  more than 9 years ago So, I decided to get off my dead ass and learn the guitar.

Over the weekend, I picked up the next-to-the-bottom model from the local guitar shoppe. The very helpful salesman steered me away from the cheapest because the next-to-the-cheapest came with an electronic tuner. How did anyone ever tune their axe before the invention of the e-tuner? Man, it is so easy: pluck the string, then either tighten or losen the string as the little gizmo sez, and when the light is green, the trap is clean. Uh, right.

The guitar also included a DVD that had some freak reject from Kajagoogoo (the hair, man!) walk you through the basic parts of the guitar (check), how to tune it (check) and then some basic chords (oh man). I doinked around on it for a bit and then called it good.

Anyway, today was my first class. Lo and behold, but those few chords that I learned from the DVD were the ones we did first: G, A7 and D. Schweet! My fingers are totally trashed from practicing, and I have hacked the hell out of Margaritaville, but I'm actually playing it! w00t!

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