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LoTR , Linux, and Database Management

Serial Troller Re:Hi. Polka time!!! (128 comments)

Cool. What I have is more like "Assfucking with goats," isn't it?

more than 12 years ago

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Serial Troller hasn't submitted any stories.

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Slashdot Commits Unicide

Serial Troller Serial Troller writes  |  more than 12 years ago

Slaughters all non-ASCII-speaking netizens, film at eleven

By Serial Troller, 2002-07-04

THE HAGUE -- Robert ?CmdrTaco? Malda, the owner of the popular technology website Slash Dot, has become one of the first U.S. citizens to be indicted by the International Criminal Court for crimes against typography. The Court, authorized by the Rome Statute and ratified by over 60 nations, is charged with the duty of prosecuting individuals for serious human rights violations such as genocide, torture, and sexual slavery.

With this prosecution, the Court seems intent on adding a new crime to their docket, the crime of ?Unicide.?

?What this ?Taco Commander? did to the international community is unconscionable,? U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan was quoted saying. ?Yesterday, there was a flourishing Unicode-speaking population, numbering in the thousands. Today, there are none. They are all silenced. Their Unicode is either blocked by this so-called ?Lameness Filter? or silently wrenched from their messages.?

Slash Dot is home to at least 580,000 citizens, who hail from every Internet-equipped country in the world. However, many more ? perhaps nearly a million ? live anonymously amongst the ranks of registered citizens.

????? ? ?????, Prime Minister of ???? ?????????????, was outraged when he heard of Slash Dot?s decision to cleanse all Unicode-speaking individuals from their website. ???? ?????? ???? ?????? ???. ????????? ????? ?????, ??? ??????? ?????? ? ???? ? ????.?

The White House was dismayed by the decision of the Court to prosecute an American citizen for what the President deemed, a ?politicalized persecutorial.? White House spokesman Ari Flescher announced that the U.S. would, if pressed, go forward with their recently unveiled plan to invade the Netherlands, if this prosecution was not halted. ?This is absolutely stunning,? he said. ?That the United States would be expected to even acknowledge the presence of other character sets other than ASCII is an offense in its own right. You either write in ASCII, or you?re with the terrorists.?

Slash Dot, and its parent corporation, VA Software, were unavailable for comment.

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The Troll Polka: UPDATED

Serial Troller Serial Troller writes  |  more than 12 years ago

THE TROLL POLKA (ARSCHFICKEN MIT ZIEGEN)

By Serial Troller, 2002-06-25

Is das nicht ein early post?

Ja! Das ist mein early post!

Is das nicht ein Goatse ghost?

Ja! Das ist mein Goatse ghost!

Early post, Goatse ghost,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Slashdot sucks!

Is das post at minus one?

Ja! Das ist at minus one!

Is das trolling so much fun?

Ja! Das trolling is so fun!

Minus one, trolling fun,

Early post, Goatse ghost,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht ein big crapflood?

Ja! Das ist mein big crapflood!

Is it worthless Linux FUD?

Ja! Das ist mein Linux FUD!

Big crapflood, Linux FUD,

Minus one, trolling fun,

Early post, Goatse ghost,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht der CowBoiKneel?

Ja! Das ist der CowBoiKneel!

Is dis nicht his manchode meal?

Ja! Das ist his manchode meal!

CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,

Big crapflood, Linux FUD,

Minus one, trolling fun,

Early post, Goatse ghost,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht ein WIPO Troll?

Ja! Das ist der WIPO Troll!

Is das nicht ein Goatse hole?

Ja! Das ist der Goatse hole!

WIPO Troll, Goatse hole,

CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,

Big crapflood, Linux FUD,

Minus one, trolling fun,

Early post, Goatse ghost,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht Jon Katz' slave boys?

Ja! Das ist Jon Katz' slave boys!

Und are they not Taco's sex toys?

Ja! They are Taco's sex toys!

Katz' slave boys, Rob's sex toys,

WIPO Troll, Goatse hole,

CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,

Big crapflood, Linux FUD,

Minus one, trolling fun,

Early post, Goatse ghost,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht ein trolltalk thread?

Ja! Das ist ein trolltalk thread!

Is it nicht now FUCKING DEAD?

Ja! Is really FUCKING DEAD!

Trolltalk thread, FUCKING DEAD,

Katz' slave boys, Rob's sex toys,

WIPO Troll, Goatse hole,

CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,

Big crapflood, Linux FUD,

Minus one, trolling fun,

Early post, Goatse ghost,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Slashdot sucks!

____________________

Change Log:

  • Subtle changes to most verses. It sounded really gay before.
  • Removed all references to Taco's pud. May have been high at time. Will investigate further.
  • Finally think I have goat sex written correctly in German. I think. Arschficken?

(C) 2002 Serial Troller. Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtroller@hotmail.com.

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The Troll Polka (Geschlecht mit ziegen)

Serial Troller Serial Troller writes  |  more than 12 years ago

THE TROLL POLKA (GESCHLECHT MIT ZIEGEN)

Is das nicht ein early post?

Ja! Das ist mein early post!

Is das nicht ein Goatse ghost?

Ja! Das ist mein Goatse ghost!

Early post, Goatse ghost,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht at minus one?

Ja! Das ist at minus one!

Is dis nicht ein trolling fun?

Ja! Das ist mein trolling fun!

Minus one, trolling fun,

Early post, Goatse ghost,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht ein big crapflood?

Ja! Das ist mein big crapflood!

Is das night ein Taco's pud?

Ja! Das ist ein Taco's pud!

Big crapflood, Taco's pud,

Minus one, trolling fun,

Early post, Goatse ghost,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht der CowBoiKneel?

Ja! Das ist der CowBoiKneel!

Is dis nicht his manchode meal?

Ja! Das ist his manchode meal!

CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,

Big crapflood, Taco's pud,

Minus one, trolling fun,

Early post, Goatse ghost,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht ein WIPO Troll?

Ja! Das ist der WIPO Troll!

Is das nicht en Goatse hole?

Ja! Das ist der Goatse hole!

WIPO Troll, Goatse hole,

CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,

Big crapflood, Taco's pud,

Minus one, trolling fun,

Early post, Goatse ghost,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht Jon Katz' slave boys?

Ja! Das ist Jon Katz' slave boys!

Is das nicht Taco's sex toys?

Ja! Das ist Taco's sex toys!

Katz' slave boys, Rob's sex toys,

WIPO Troll, Goatse hole,

CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,

Big crapflood, Taco's pud,

Minus one, trolling fun,

Early post, Goatse ghost,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Slashdot sucks!

Is das nicht ein trolltalk thread?

Ja! Das ist ein trolltalk thread!

Is das nicht ein FUCKING DEAD?

Ja! Das ist ein FUCKING DEAD!

Trolltalk thread, FUCKING DEAD,

Katz' slave boys, Rob's sex toys,

WIPO Troll, Goatse hole,

CowBoiKneel, manchode meal,

Big crapflood, Taco's pud,

Minus one, trolling fun,

Early post, Goatse ghost,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Oh, du schoene,

Slashdot sucks!

____________________

(C) 2002 Serial Troller. Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtroller@hotmail.com.

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Nine... nine... nine!! (999!!)

Serial Troller Serial Troller writes  |  more than 12 years ago

Last night I made my nine-hundred ninety-ninth Slashdot post. I was so happy that I've come this far that I wanked right then and there. I wanked and I wanked and I wanked; I wanked so hard I nearly pulled my own swollen penis out by the roots. As I wanked to pictures of the Olsen Twins being raped up the ass by horses, I remembered the WIPO Troll and how he committed suicide by masturbating himself to death. Then I kept on wanking.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM was kind enough to leave an answer. I wanked some more after I read that. I love wanking.

Well, everyone, this is it. No, I'm not going to kill myself like the eminent WIPO Troll, but I am going to keep wanking. I've decided to retire this crapflooding account. Serial Troller has posted 999 comments just looks so damned good I don't want to ruin it.

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Open Source Misconceptions: UPDATED

Serial Troller Serial Troller writes  |  more than 12 years ago

OPEN SOURCE MISCONCEPTIONS

Myth: Open Source is written by heterosexuals.

Fact: All Open Source development is done by raging homosexuals. The more flaming examples include Anal Cox, Linus Turdballs, Eric Ass-Reaming Raymond, and the entire Slashdot crew. The ringleader of the slashdotters, a man named CmdrTaco, engages in a practice known as Taco-snotting, along with his faggot-buddies Jeff Homos Bates and CowBoiKneel.

Myth: Open Source is written for heterosexuals.

Fact: Using Open Source software can cause suppressed homosexual fantasies to surface, leading to all out flaming faggotry within 6-8 weeks. Anecdotes of otherwise hetero men turning queer are far too numerous to count, but a few examples stand out. In one case, a man was arrested loitering outside an elementary school and making sexual overtures to several children: he quickly confessed that shortly after installing the Mozilla browser on his computer, he began to have uncontrollable urges to, to put it simply, have his cock sucked off by little boys. He soon met several other like-minded men through discussions on the Bugger Zilla mailing list (all already homosexuals), who together kidnapped a total of seven children whom they brought back to their apartment and sodomized. The other two men are still at large and believed to still be using Mozilla.

Myth: Open Source is multicultural.

Fact: Open Source is openly racist.

Myth: Open Source is democratic.

Fact: Open Source is controlled by a few narrow-minded zealots (mentioned throughout this post), most of whom are either Communists, Stalinists, Nazis, or Fascists. Additionally, Open Source supports terrorism.

Myth: Open Source is tolerant of religious preferences.

Fact: Open Source developers regularly engage in holy wars over the superiority of various Open Source projects, such as the Emacs program (preferred by Christians) versus vi (used mostly by neo-pagans and Satanists); or the KDE desktop (a favorite among Muslims) versus the GNOME project (particularly favored by Jews). Posts initiating crusades or jihads against other developers can be found regularly throughout the newsgroups and mailing lists.

Myth: Open Source is tolerant of sexual preference.

Fact: See above. Either you are a homo, you become a homo, or you never visit Richard Stallman alone in his office and hope to God you never meet him on the street at night.

Myth: Open Source is tolerant of political differences.

Fact: Open Source is an anarcho-communist philosophy bent on the destruction of capitalism. The very same Richard Stallman, a man whose name is disturbingly reminiscent of Stalin, has stated several times in public that his vision includes the subjugation of all who own intellectual properties under the jackboot of the GPL. The GPL is a pernicious piece of literature lifted straight from Karl Marxs Communist Manifesto, and is fortunately banned in many democratic nations.

* * * * * UPDATE * * * * *

Myth: Open Source programming is a harlmess, healthy activity.

Fact: Open Source programming has been known to lead to massive obesity, violent tendencies with an obsession with handguns, paranoid-delusional ranting, and in severe cases, complete insanity. If anyone you know is thinking about going Open Source, stop them before its too late!

* * * * * UPDATE * * * * *

____________________

© 2002 Serial Troller. Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtroller@hotmail.com.

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Open Source Misconceptions

Serial Troller Serial Troller writes  |  more than 12 years ago

OPEN SOURCE MISCONCEPTIONS

Myth: Open Source is written by heterosexuals.

Fact: All Open Source development is done by raging homosexuals. The more flaming examples include Anal Cox, Linus Turdballs, Eric Ass-Reaming Raymond, and the entire Slashdot crew. The ringleader of the slashdotters, a man named CmdrTaco, engages in a practice known as Taco-snotting, along with his faggot-buddies Jeff Homos Bates and CowBoiKneel.

Myth: Open Source is written for heterosexuals.

Fact: Using Open Source software can cause suppressed homosexual fantasies to surface, leading to all out flaming faggotry within 6-8 weeks. Anecdotes of otherwise hetero men turning queer are far too numerous to count, but a few examples stand out. In one case, a man was arrested loitering outside an elementary school and making sexual overtures to several children: he quickly confessed that shortly after installing the Mozilla browser on his computer, he began to have uncontrollable urges to, to put it simply, have his cock sucked off by little boys. He soon met several other like-minded men through discussions on the Bugger Zilla mailing list (all already homosexuals), who together kidnapped a total of seven children whom they brought back to their apartment and sodomized. The other two men are still at large and believed to still be using Mozilla.

Myth: Open Source is multicultural.

Fact: Open Source is openly racist.

Myth: Open Source is democratic.

Fact: Open Source is controlled by a few narrow-minded zealots (mentioned throughout this post), most of whom are either Communists, Stalinists, Nazis, or Fascists. Additionally, Open Source ;supports terrorism.

Myth: Open Source is tolerant of religious preferences.

Fact: Open Source developers regularly engage in holy wars over the superiority of various Open Source projects, such as the Emacs program (preferred by Christians) versus vi (used mostly by neo-pagans and Satanists); or the KDE desktop (a favorite among Muslims) versus the GNOME project (particularly favored by Jews). Posts initiating crusades or jihads against other developers can be found regularly throughout the newsgroups and mailing lists.

Myth: Open Source is tolerant of sexual preference.

Fact: See above. Either you are a homo, you become a homo, or you never visit Richard Stallman alone in his office and hope to God you never meet him on the street at night.

Myth: Open Source is tolerant of political differences.

Fact: Open Source is an anarcho-communist philosophy bent on the destruction of capitalism. The very same Richard Stallman, a man whose name is disturbingly reminiscent of Stalin, has stated several times in public that his vision includes the subjugation of all who own intellectual properties under the jackboot of the GPL. The GPL is a pernicious piece of literature lifted straight from Karl Marxs Communist Manifesto, and is fortunately banned in many democratic nations.

____________________

© 2002 Serial Troller. Permission to reproduce this document is granted provided that you send all the bukkake porn you can find to serialtroller@hotmail.com.

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So what!!!

Serial Troller Serial Troller writes  |  more than 12 years ago

So what if ZLIB IS A GAPING SECURITY HOLE? It's open source so everyone can see it! So what if OPENSSH HAS A TINY LITTLE OFF-BY-1 which any local user could ROOT YOUR BOX WITH? It's open source so everyone can see it! Again, I ask you, big deal if PHP HAS A HUGE HOLE IN THE FILE-UPLOAD CODE? It's open source so everyone can see it! So what if SNMP HAS A GAPING, GOATSE.CX-LIKE SECURITY EXPLOITS?! It's open source so everyone can see it! Again, I ask you -- SO FUCKING WHAT!!!

This Mindless Open Source Zealot(TM) Parody made possible by a generous grant from Microsoft Corporation, and viewers like you.

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Slashdot in the Future

Serial Troller Serial Troller writes  |  more than 12 years ago

  • 2002. Slashdot publishes 1,000,000th rumor passed off as actual story. The story generates 480 comments, 263 of which agree with the article, and 107 of which point out its a rumor and are modded down as redundant. The remaining comments are all first posts.
  • 2002. CmdrTaco married to Kathleen Fent. Many geeks believe Kathleen, a purported transvestite, outmeasures CmdrTaco.
  • 2002. Slashdot parent corporation VA Research^W Linux^W Software stock worth 35 cents. Rumors that AOL, Microsoft, or even Jimmy the hobo who lives under the Longfellow Bridge may buy it.
  • 2003. VA Software bought by Microsoft for a cup of coffee and a donut. All Microsoft-critical articles mysteriously disappear from Slashdot. Bill Gates as Borg logo replaced with Bill Gates as God.
  • 2003. Papperatzi videos of Miguel de Icaza caught going down on Bill Gates in his private yacht spread across Usenet. Miguel swears that recent decisions to rename the Gnome desktop to Windows NT 6.0 have nothing to do with it.
  • 2004. CmdrTaco loses hist virginity.
  • 2004. The WIPO Troll returns again, showering Slashdot in 45,000 copies of the same post: Lick my crotch hairs. Slashdot, despite running on 18 redundant IIS/8.0 servers, buckles under the load. The term Slashdotted is replaced with WIPO-Trolled.
  • 2004. Slashdot, the last vestige of VA Research^W Linux^W Software^W Microsoft, officially shut down. Millions of screaming, unwashed geeks invade Redmond campus and lynch Bill Gates. CmdrTaco is believed to posess the only remaining copy of the Slashdot database on several hundred CD-Rs.
  • 2005. The Linux is world is shocked when Linus Torvalds and Anal Cox are found dead along with six penguins, an empty tub of crisco and several used condoms. Millions of screaming, unwashed geeks invade Redmond campus and lynch Steve Ballmer.
  • 2005. CmdrTaco rumored to have had sex again.
  • 2006. CowboiKneel found dead in hotel room with 56 pizza boxes covering his bloated corpse. Three suffocated gay prostitutes are extracted from beneath his body as police remove it with a backhoe.
  • 2007. CmdrTaco actually has sex again. With a woman.
  • 2007. BSD is still officially dying. No word on when its demise will take place.
  • 2007. CmdrTaco starts new weblog to replace Slashdot, creatively named Dotslash. Remainder of Linux users flock to the site and immediate WIPO-Troll it out of existence.
  • 2008. CmdrTaco has sex with his wife for the first time.
  • 2009. After years of living under the heel of his domineering wife, and being deprived of companyof his life-long friend, Jeff Homos Bates, CmdrTaco commits suicide. Another unwashed geek mob gathers and tears Kathleen Fent to shreds. Geeks discover Ms. Fent was indeed a woman, but dont exactly know what that means. Driven by their sexually-repressed rage, they subsequently invade Redmond again and lynch the current CEO of Microsoft, Miguel deIcaza.
  • 2009. Richard Stallman mysteriously murdered. Conspiracy theories run rampant, most involving Microsoft in some way. Invasions of Redmond campus by hordes of geeks become commonplace.
  • 2010. Stallman murder solved when Eric S. Raymond confesses. Raymond blamed the collapse of VA Research^W Linux^W Software^W Microsoft on Stallmans dogmatic insistence on prefixing every open-source project with GNU. Raymond is subsequently committed to an insane asylum, again giving the horde of geeks an excuse to raze Redmond.
  • 2010. An ex-hacker reports witnessing CmdrTaco at a gas station in Tennessee. The nearly-defunct Linux movement is rekindled as CmdrTaco sightings become common.
  • 2011. Microsoft campus burnt to the ground by screaming, unwashed geek mob after Microsoft is blamed when a Linuxhacker in Cambridge, Massachusetts spills his coffee on his pants. Microsoft undaunted as their plans to buy out the Federal Government come to fruition. Washington, D.C. renamed Microsoft Capitol 2010.

$Id: future.html,v 1.3 2002/03/11 06:23:06 stroller Exp $

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Anal Cocks. Dead.

Serial Troller Serial Troller writes  |  more than 12 years ago

I just heard the sad news on the radio. The #2 Linux kernel hacker ANAL COCKS was found dead in his home this morning. There aren't many details yet, but it appears he died from AUTOEROTIC ASPHYXIATION. Even if you never liked his work, you can appreciate what he did to little boys with his -ac branches of the Linux kernel and his MODPROBE. Truly a HOMOSEXUAL LINUX icon. He will be missed. :(

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