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The New Science of Evolutionary Forecasting

deathcloset Convergent and Recurrent Evolution shows this (63 comments)

I think that convergent evolution would be a very high-level example of how the results of selection can be predictable and are in fact repeated, even if the actual underlying mechanisms and specific genes involved in the convergent adaption in different species differ, the results are the same. Recurrent evolution also seems to support the "non-random" or "predictable" nature of evolution. In other words, if you put a square organism in a round environment, we know that its successful decedents will have rounded edges.

about a week ago
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FBI Concerned About Criminals Using Driverless Cars

deathcloset Logs? (435 comments)

Covering one's tracks seems like it would be more difficult depending upon the level of logging used by the cars. That would be a benefit to law enforcement. So this is the beginning of another privacy vs. security debate then, eh?

about a week ago
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Reading Rainbow Kickstarter Heads Into Home Stretch

deathcloset Growing Potential (68 comments)

I feel like we've barely grazed the surface of the potential of crowd funding. I mean, in a real sense here we, as society, are funding self-education - we are funding the education of our own society. That's cool.

about three weeks ago
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Japanese Stem Cell Debacle Could Bring Down Entire Center

deathcloset Why do scientists falsify? Or how can they? (52 comments)

They must know they will be found out - especially the more sensational the finding. After all, science is not like philosophy. Science is meant to be used, and for something to be used it has to work. People will try to use it and it wont work and they will immediately know that there has been a falsification. I mean, it's not like this kind of stuff is up to interpretation or anything - there is a method and a result. If there is no result then the method is in error. What are they thinking?

about a month and a half ago
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Cost Skyrockets For United States' Share of ITER Fusion Project

deathcloset Re:keeping a budget (174 comments)

We'd have the money if we'd kick the trailer trash and hood rats off of welfare and sent the illegals back to their shithole country.

http://uptownmagazine.com/2014... Be careful who you kick and where you kick them. This guy might actually figure out fusion energy - eh? This dude is why we have welfare. When you mine for gold there is mostly dirt...but there's gold too. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. And a penny saved is a penny earned. And make yourself a bowl of soup and wrap a hot towel around your head. And don't stay out too late! Ah, whatever.

about 3 months ago
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How Riot's Social Scientists Fight League of Legends Trolling

deathcloset These are griefers, not trolls. Trolling is fun (116 comments)

I understand that some trolling is bullying: that's when it becomes griefing - but most trolling is just sarcastic fun. I have, on many occasions, made joking jest and played the role (with dripping socratic irony) of the troll to the great delight of myself and others.

If somebody is truly upset, however, I would not, could not, continue to deride them. So that's where the fine line may be drawn.

Those that would are to be called griefers, not trolls.

Griefers are trolls intending harm. Trolls in my opinion and in my definition are merely out for Natalie Portman's hot grits - whatever those may be.

about 3 months ago
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Start-Up Founders On Dealing With Depression

deathcloset Depression is weird (257 comments)

When you are depressed you are supposed to have lower mental activity, and yet some of the most brilliant people have been known to be clinically depressed [citation not needed]. So then, if depression sometimes comes with brilliance, what gives?

And does this mean that for some people of this class antidepressants (chemical and psychological) have the effect of actually dulling insight and brilliance?

Be depressed, be brilliant: Be happy, be dumb.

Life is such a bitch.

about 4 months ago
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Should NASA Send Astronauts On Voluntary One-Way Missions?

deathcloset Why? (307 comments)

I'm such a huge space nut but I seriously can't see how sending people to their probable deaths offers a scientific or societal benefit.

Are they better than robots? No.

Change "reasonable chance of survival" into "very likely chance of survival" and I would change my mind, but "reasonable chance of survival" in NASA and space exploration terms means something like a 1/1000 chance of death (just pulling a number out of the air).

If you want something organic up there quick then send a monkey. Then, after the monkey has not died a horrible death, send a person.

I want to live in space. I want space colonies. But I don't want space exploration and colonies to be built on the graves of those who came before us.

I just don't see the benefit. Furthermore I feel that suicidal space exploration has a very dark economic shadow to it.

send more and better robots. That way we don't kill heroes and we also get advances in robotics.

I can't believe I'm even saying this, but it's how I feel.

about 4 months ago
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Back To the Moon — In Four Years

deathcloset Re:Lets divert some military funds (292 comments)

But honestly, what do you think would happen if the US military were suddenly defunded?

A lot of bullshit pork contracts would have their fat trimmed, we'd murder less people for profit, or both.

Well, when you put it like that! ;) - I strongly support not murdering people. I equally strongly support not being murdered. There must be a way to have both.

about 4 months ago
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Back To the Moon — In Four Years

deathcloset Re:We spend 20 times more than the next largest (292 comments)

No, certainly I'm not saying that. I'm just being snarky due to both a lack of sleep and overabundance of caffeine ;)

I just see the military as the muscle and the markets as the fat of a country (Farms are the skeleton and the people the organs - what a weird analogy), and if we are going to divert resources for an effort, I would rather burn fat than muscle (though muscle before organs and organs before the skeleton - yeah, definitely a weird analogy).

I'm confident, in agreement to another comment, that even a 10% or 20% slash of the US military would offer no real danger to the sovereignty of the united states (we still maintain a standing militia of the people anyway, after all and yeah, NATO and the overwhelming ratio of "good guy"/"bad guy" countries.), and in spite of my deepest appreciation and respect for the US military, conflict in all it's forms is something that most certainly must be reduced - and the reduction of which is a sure indicator of the progress of a world.

Also expansion and exploration is a sure indicator of the progress of a world.

So naturally I agree that taking money from where it is being wasted and putting it in more important places is good. I only take offense at the idea that the military is considered the most likely entity from where to take that money when there are OBVIOUSLY much more wasteful entities that should be done away with first. I leave it as an exercise to you, dear replyee and/or reader, to enumerate what those more wasteful entities be.

time for more caffeine.

about 4 months ago
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Back To the Moon — In Four Years

deathcloset Re:That's great and all... (292 comments)

Evolution saith: you are where you are.

Your environment shapes your evolution. Humans have the ability to live in more environments than any other complex lifeform - and some environments that even the simple lifeforms can't live in (virtual worlds for example). If you live subterranean, you become subterranean.

Maybe that's ok: whatever works is another of evolution's favorite sayings. After all, subterranean life has some real advantages: the naked mole rat doesn't get cancer and lives for a very long time, but they are blind because they don't need eyes any more. I want to keep my eyes. I like looking at the stars.

Now, having said all that, the obvious irony is that if we do go-a-exploring in space and want to build bases on the actual surface of rocky harsh planets, well, the best way to do it is to make them subterranean!

Maybe the solution is to try to be as many animals as we can an to try to live in as many environments as we can. Maybe that will cause evolutionary forces to bestow on us the greatest and largest variation of shapes.

Maybe.

about 4 months ago
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Back To the Moon — In Four Years

deathcloset Re:Yeah, too bad there's no real reason to do so.. (292 comments)

... We have limited resources to throw at space. This is the time to throw them at something that will give us some return.

We have limited resources to throw at space because we have limited resources down here - but I know a place with ~limitless resources and it's called space. True, it's full of mostly nothing, but where there is something there tends to be a whooooooole lot of something.

What's on the moon anyhow? Rocks? Are you sure that's all? We can't really be sure unless we look.

about 4 months ago
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Back To the Moon — In Four Years

deathcloset Re:Lets divert some military funds (292 comments)

By slashing the US military budget like that we could quickly and easily build a moon base which along with our country would quickly and easily be taken over by another country's military.

;) oh I kid.

But honestly, what do you think would happen if the US military were suddenly defunded? Do you think the other countries would be like - good for them! We don't need militaries any more any how and certainly not a single one of us big countries with our current militaries would ever dream of using our forces again the US, even as defenseless as they are right now with all their resources and food and two coastlines and pop music...

All snarkiness aside, I agree with your sentiment and wish we had interplanetary spacecraft and bases on more than one moon :( - almost even at the risk of the US's national security...almost.

And I almost actually believe that even if the US military were to shrink hugely that we would not be attacked, because I don't think the average citizen in a non-us western country would want to attack/invade another civilized country. No, not the people, but the governments of those countries (governments are things which function almost like independent living entities themselves seemingly making their own decisions) are what there is to be concerned about.

Yes, civilized countries maintaining huge military powers is just the way it is right now. In the future when countries don't have militaries anymore I'm sure we will look back on our time the same way we look at the american old west: we will understand that the environment of the time required that everyone carry a pistol, and that the harshness of the climate (ecological, financial and social) resulted in far more altercations than would seem reasonable - but they will understand.

And they will probably make a ton of movies about our time too.

And they will probably watch them on their fancy-dancy moon bases.

whatever. good for them.

;)

about 4 months ago
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U.S. Aims To Give Up Control Over Internet Administration

deathcloset Internet should go where it should go (279 comments)

I'm fairly certain that in asking this question that I'm just being a biased Californian-based US citizen, but aside from being better able to allow internet users to hide from spies, what other benefit will this action bestow? And actually will this actually allow internet users to better hide from spies? I thought the US is doing an alright job, except for the peeping that is - they should have done a better job at that... Anyhow, now to read the friendly article.

about 4 months ago
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It's True: Some People Just Don't Like Music

deathcloset Re:HEY (268 comments)

Most digital paintings today have more subtlety, detail, accuracy, imagination, symbology and depth than the paintings of the great maestros of old - and there are exponentially larger numbers of them being churned out.

But something about the originals makes them "better".

I think it has something to do with simply being at the right place at the right time - like the beatles. The beatles didn't really make the era, the era made the beatles.

If you don't think that the cultural climate has more to do with the art that is created than the artists that create it just think of the parallel with this old question - if you had been born in china 1000 years ago, would you have been a christian?

Of course not.

If the beatles were born today, would they be world famous?

Of course not.

It's the climate - the fact that the beatles/zeppelin/whoever were able to be moved/inspired by the culture of the time to create what they did. And it has something to do with the technology of the time as well.

If you want to hear something that should blow your musical (artistic) appreciation gene out of the water then just listen to/watch Diego Stocco's Experibass video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

He's caught in the culture of our time. He would not have been who he is even 20 years ago. He and his music are creations (indirectly, but definitely) of a culture of hackers and makers, just as the classic rockers and their rock were the creations of a culture of exploration and discovery.

Nowadays...well, the culture is not exploration and discovery, but exploitation and refinement....but I wonder if I sense a subtle change in the winds?....

about 5 months ago
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IEEE Predicts 85% of Daily Tasks Will Be Games By 2020

deathcloset My personal theory on getting people to do stuff (146 comments)

To get someone to do something, it must be all three of these things:

1) Simple
2) Engaging
3) Rewarding

I came up with this recently when I was trying to define why some games make you want to play them more than others and I realized that it might apply to just about any activity that people engage in. Do this to housework/chores and voila! People will do it. The challenge is how to do this to chores and such. If I could just find a way to make making things this way also be this way...moving on...

Now, I'm not saying people will not do things that are not all three of those, but I'm saying that people will do things that are all three of those. Maybe I have defined an activity which elicits a very basic type of "flow".

I now welcome the critical crucible of slashdot with open arms (and fireproof pants).

about 5 months ago
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Ray Kurzweil Talks Google's Big Plans For Artificial Intelligence

deathcloset Re:Moron talks bullshit.... (254 comments)

What I really would want to know why I should care?

It depends on how much you care about the future, and how far into the future you care to care.

If you care only about tomorrow and don't care that much about what happens tomorrow, then you should not care in the least.

If you care about the next 10 years, and care a good amount about it, then you should care a bit because AI research is information science research, and humans are information animals and tool animals and thus information tools are very important and AI is a very powerful information tool - even if mostly theoretical at this point.

If you care about the next century, and you care a lot about it, then you should care a lot - because this next 100 years will be the first century of a real-time information web splayed over the planet between the little human individuals scurrying about on the surface, and the wealth of information stored and transmitted (which might be the same thing!) will continue to grow - and to make use of that gargantuan information store, we need information processing capabilities beyond anything we have today, and certainly beyond the capability of unaided, or non-computationally aided, human minds.

If you care about the next millennium and beyond, then you should find my ideas interesting and subscribe to my newsletter because I want us to be around for the long haul because I like people and I think we are neat and I think the universe, being rather impartial, could do with a bit more intelligence. Brains, after all, are the best way I know of for the universe to appreciate itself and so I think we should appreciate the inevitability that to appreciate larger things, we need larger brains.

about 5 months ago
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Scientists Study Permian Mass Extinction Event As Lesson For 21st Century

deathcloset Re:3 Most destructive events in a planet's history (235 comments)

OK, very funny, though a bit tired of an observation. Humans are a disease, humans are a plague, yes yes, we've heard it before and we've seen the terrible things we have been doing, and yet I have to point something out here.

Intelligent life, while admittedly is a potential cause of, is actually the first possible defense that this planet's ecosystem has evolved against an extinction level event.

Stopping a super volcano might still be a bit of a stretch at this current time (give it time though), but the whole asteroid thing - intelligent life actually might have a chance, even right now, of stopping another big whack to the planet.

Think about how the shell evolved: might intelligent life be some kind of earth shell? some kind of life shield?

To be clear, I don't ascribe to some magical teleological aspect of the universe, nor some gaia hypotesis: I'm not saying this is WHY we are here or WHY we were made - but hey, shells evolve big and small - why couldn't we, humanity, become life and earths greatest ally?

Sure, we mightn't, but why we shouldn't nor couldn't?

about 5 months ago
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Darker Arctic Boosting Global Warming

deathcloset Terraforming 101: Chapter 1 - What not to do (378 comments)

Looking on the bright side - thanks to all our wanton climate changing industrial activity and glacial public acceptance of the situation, we are getting our first experiences with terraforming. Admittedly, these experiences are like one's first experiences with learning how to paint - finger painting and messy, but with much larger existential consequences and no actual paint.

Hopefully "soon" we get a good foothold on Mars, and hopefully, and this sounds weird I know, there is NO life on Mars. Because that would give us a nice "sterile planetary lab" on which to experiment as we find ways to control global climates without operating on the only global climate we have available - which we happen to depend on completely and utterly for our survival.

Better to start experimenting on another one as soon as possible, because even when we get a handle on our climate changing activities, nature is standing by with a much larger list of climate changing activities which we will have to confront.

Maybe Venus too - if we can fix that place we can fix anywhere! So Mars would be like our lab and Venus is like our final exam.

And I think we really need to pass this course.

about 5 months ago
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Star Trek Economics

deathcloset Re:Pipe-dream Utopia (888 comments)

People work.

People will continue to work. If they don't work, they are broken. Broken people don't work. People break when something goes wrong. Something is wrong right now. This is why there are people who don't work.

So, solve what's wrong and people will work.

What makes people work? Energy.

Solve energy problems and people will work.

about 5 months ago

Submissions

deathcloset hasn't submitted any stories.

Journals

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deathcloset deathcloset writes  |  more than 9 years ago

"dude, remember when I cured cancer" said bill gates.

"Kow-Ree-Uhns!" my brother said with re-emphasis on this formerly proven point. "they were the ones who aged the cancer cells, bill."

"that sounded like samwise saying poe-tay-toes in jrr tolkien's lord of the rings, the two towers." I observed.

Bill began speaking in his best convincing tone, "look, they OBVIOUSLY used microsoft products somewhere in the development chain."

my brother said nothing.

"eh? EH?" bill gates elbowed my brother while raising his eyebrows.

My brother was obviously not in the mood, "and when did you start doing that eyebrow thing? like groucho marx or something."

At this point I felt it was a good idea for me to butt-in on this little spat. But as I was beggining to speak I was halted by what lay before us.

imagine, if you will, a 100 kilometer diameter Tube. imagine it's 1 megameter in length. there are clouds in it. It's got spaceships and shit flying around in it.
 

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deathcloset deathcloset writes  |  more than 9 years ago

"Holy crap I'm hungry!" Bill Gates screamed.

We were walking along the backbone of the space-nazi's battle cruiser and we had 10 miles to go before we reached the patch-point susan had instructed us to patch-in to, via the patch kit and patch cable.

"I am a bit famished myself," I agreed. "It would be nice to have something to eat."

my brother turned around and asked, "you guys wan't to have some hotdogs?".

"Hell yeah!" bill gates said. and I said it too.

We sat down and cooked some hot dogs.

My brother, looking down, noted "hey! I can probably patch in right here!"

and bill gates and I were like, "dude, is that a good idea, susan told us to go 10 miles from here down this cavern of such emmensity that words cannot describe! what with the 2 miles up, two miles wide lookin' like we are in some kind of super-sized grand canyon turned on top of another grand canyon, all eeriely lit with the subtle mist and maintenance craft flying about."

So my brother used his crowbar to pry open a flexible piece of the several hundred meter radius backbone line and began ripping wires and fiber out with various suprising electromagnetic phenomena.

Ding!

the hot dogs were finished! did you cook the burrito's too? was what I asked my brother.

but he was too busy putting wires on his tounge and kicking over toolboxes while cursing to notice.

so i plopped down next to bill who had 5 hot dogs on a plate.

"bill dude!" i laughed, "you are going to eat 5 hot dogs? I mean those are the sausage hot dogs you know, they're quite hearty."

Bill was like, "Dude, 5 hot dogs is all it takes to live."

"okaaay" says I.

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deathcloset deathcloset writes  |  more than 10 years ago

"dude, I could have made a way better mars rover than the JPL labs". Bill Gates said between bites of his hotdog.

"HA! RIGHT!" I spewed relish and mustard over the exposed circuts of the space-nazi battlecruiser's communication backbone.

"DUDE!" my brother threw a 1/3rd empty can of mountain dew at my head. "DON't DO THAT!"

Bill and I stopped out little argument and I felt a little bit ashamed. "I'm sorry dude, I know you are counting on me not to get us killed. I'll try harder, really I will."

"good," my brother said kurtly, "I've almost got a backdoor installed on this bad boy".

My brother scraped away a few miniscule cubes of vegetable and rubbed the yellow condiment off of the lcd readout.

Bill and I silently watched and waited....

"I totally could have..." Bill piped up.

"Dude, NO you COULDN't have!" I turned my head toward him in frustration.

Bill muttered under his breath, "could'ave" and took a last bite of his hot dog.

My brother now turned his head in frustration, "you guys stop arguing and get serious!"

We were again quieted. My brother spoke, "have those burritos cooled down yet?"

"Oh, yeah the burritos" I had completely forgotten about the microwave burritos. I reached in my pack and extracted 3 microwave burritos wrapped in paper towels. "Cool, their cool. here ya go".

"Hey Bill, you want to put the final touches on this?"

Bill smiled, "oh you bet!" Bill gates took the small handheld from my brother and gripped the stylus. He signed, "bill gates" in his trademark average font.

Some red lights on the glowing circutry turned green, and some green lights turned red, then some purple lights appeared... then some mustard caught on fire, but it went out really fast, and didn't smell that bad.

"With my rover I would have had it flying and taking MOVIES in 3d, yeah! that's what I would have done. That's WAY better than what JPL has done." Bill stood up in the cramped access tunnel. "And it would have been easier to use too." he dusted himself off.

"well?" my brother questioned. "why didn't you then?! the rovers were only like 300 mil apiece! you have billions!" he threw up his arms to emphasize the point.

Bill turned his eyes away, "my idea was too expensive...."

"What!?" I asked. "HUH?" my brother further implored.

"look guys, I have a crapload of money right?" Bill stared at us.

"right." in unison.

"but I just can't bring myself to spend more than exactly 1/10,000th of my net worth on any one thing."

"......." my brother and I looked at each other. "WHAT?"

"well, in my younger days our class was asked to make a list of what we most wanted. I started on my list and a few weeks later I had exactly 10,000 items on the list. So I decided that I would never want something that cost more tha 1/10000th of my net worth."

"you knew what net worth was in elementary school?" I asked.

"pre-school" Bill corrected.

"you made a list of 10,000 things! in pre-school!?" my brother boggled.

"Well, 10,000 things I wanted...it's not really that hard...in fact.." BIll was having an obviously disturbing thought, "maybe I want more..." A troubled look was growing on Bills face as he began counting on his fingers.

a loud noise erupted, it was an alarm.

"intruder detection on zone b 1020304, service access. autonomous security active".

Bills troubled look changed to curiousity and then back to troubled and then to terrified.

Thousands of robotic poof-balls appeared and enveloped us. Within 10 seconds they dissapeared but we were now in some kind of spacecraft hanger. Alone.

It was quiet. My brother asked.

"What was the first item on your list Bill?"

"Oh, a hotdog".

Then a door flew open and a beautiful gigantic blonde woman stood in the opening.

"SUSAN!?" Bill gates look of terror could never be matched...it was a terrifying chapter to be sure.

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deathcloset deathcloset writes  |  more than 10 years ago

"Susan, look. I'm married, and a faithful husband to melinda, so I would really apprieciate it if you would put a shirt back on and stop rubbing my my pant's crotch."

Bill Gates was obviously trying his hardest to be nice about this situation, but Susan, the super sexy space nazi turned cohort, was in some kind of genetically induced heat. Bill Gates was trying to force the temptress off of him, but aparently her genetic modifications made her quite the amazonian. "guys! guys! crap! get her off me! shes ripping my shirt!".

I turned to my brother, he turned to me. I spoke, "dude, she's going to totally do Bill Gates if we don't do something about this."

My brother pondered on this as sounds of ripping clothes made their way to our ears. "well, yea. but I really don't see whats so bad about this. I mean, we are stuck in this spacecraft hanger bay without any idea if or when the decryption process will complete...and Susan sexily gave us her user account for this whole process so I think we kind of owe something to her."

I spoke, " well, I mean, that's a good point," Bill was screaming and Susan was grunting as she struggled to tear Bill Gate's belt in two, "but man, he's a married guy, and he's obviously very faithful. I mean, can't you go over there and try to...oh, I don't know...seduce her or somehting?"

My brother rubbed his chin. "well, I mean... I could give it a shot I guess." he shrugged.

My brother then walked over behind Susan and tapped her on her shoulder. Susan swung her head around to meet my brother with a crazed stare. My brother stretched his arms our wide. Then he cried. "TAKE ME MAN-WOMAN! I AM YOURS!"

Susan released her Grip on Bill Gate's belt and Bill fell two feet to the ground in a shredded heap of suit. Susan then lunged for my brother and began ripping his clothes off like a child frantically opening christmas presents.

What followed next, I will not describe.

20 minutes later Susan was lazily smoking a ciggarette peering out at the vast expanse of space. My brother was hastily putting the finishing touches on the piece of code that was to cause a catostrophic explosion in the main reactors of the space nazi's space ship.

Beep, beep, doink. The console my brother was resting his feet on piped up and my brother exclaimed, "hey! it worked!". He quickly transcribed the information from the ships console to his small handheld, beeped a couple buttons and click whoosh, the side entry door across the hanger floor flashed a green light above it.

"ah there you go Susan, that should do you." My brother beamed, susan gave him a sidelong glance, stood up, threw her cigarrette to the ground and waltzed up to the side entry door. She blew my brother a kiss and then dissapeared through the door.

Bill Gates said, "what are we waiting for?!" and began to run for the same door.

"NO BILL wait!" I screamed. "you can't go through there dude, that's space nazi territory!" Bill looked confused.
Bill questioned, "then how the freaking heck are we supposed to get out of here?"

"Like this!" said my brother and with the press of a button a house-sized box opened up. Bill Gates jaw dropped to the ground.

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deathcloset deathcloset writes  |  more than 10 years ago

Bill Gates stood with his mouth agape. Slowly he raised a finger and pointed, words came slowly from his mouth."I paid for you guys to make a gigantic spider?"

My brother nodded, "yup, a gigantic, REMOTE-CONTROLLED spider!"

I was still pretty impressed we pulled it off.
I turned to my brother. "I'm still pretty impressed we pulled it off you know, I mean spider and gigantic translucent oxygen suit and all."

Bill Gates was walking around the behemoth, "it's a wolf spider is it?"

I shrugged and mumbled "i dunno, ask my brother."

Bill Gates said his initial question was intended for my brother.

I apologized and turned to my brother, "It's a wolf spider?"

"What?" my brother asked.

"Is it a wolf spider?" I announciated, "The big ass monster in the translucent oxygen suit."

"oh yea, it's a wolf spider." said my brother as he was making some fine tunings on the remote contol device. "I like wolf spiders, and they are much more amiable than a black widow."

"Amiable, right" it wasn't the choice of words I would have chosen for this tank sized arachnid. words that would have described it better in my opinion would have been...oh... scary as all freaking hell!

beep! The device in my brothers hand made the small beeping noise that I had come to associate with some of the more frightening experiences in my life.

"ok, cool, here we go" my brother stuck a small suction cup to his right temple and extended the antenna from it. Strange subsonic sounds tinged with ultrasonic hisses emminated from the creature as the gigantic spider in the translucent oxygen suit began moving it's front legs up and down. "perfect!" my brother added. Now, go, kill, not us, the door. My brother pointed at the locked doorway in front of us and placed the remote device in his front pocket. About 5 seconds for the spider to process and it sprange to life, pounded the steel floor with its legs, turned like a tank on treads 180 degrees to face the blast door, then charged with biological speed that no fabricated machine could ever hope to muster. The 3 foot thick round steel door buckled like tin foil under the assault of the spider. Three ear splitting hits, and the round door busted open, slamming against the hallways wall.
A space nazi guard ran in through the wrended doorway. "what's going on here!?" he asked almost simultaneously as he was splattered against the adjoining wall.

Bill gates had not become un-agape the whole time, but now he looked pale as well. "that was the single most horrific and disturbing thing I have ever seen in my whole life." he said very matter of factly.

My brother looked a little shocked too, "yea, that was pretty gross. I don't feel very good."

I, secretly, thought it was pretty cool. But it was really really messy and I too felt the nausea welling up inside of me.

"Ok, we better get out of here" I said as I slowly inched around the creature and into the hallway. I was making a great effort to not look at the peanut butter and jelly-like remains of the space nazi guard and in doing so stepped on his dismembered arm. "GAH!" I said, "this is not the sort of thing I though I would be doing this evening you know!"

my brother, who seemed to be trying even harder not to look upon the mess on the wall, said "Ok, no I just tell the spider to guard and we should have a clear shot down this hallway to one of the main interface hubs for the ships communication system."

Bill Gates was staring at the the horrific, nacho-esque morbitity before him. "You know, all that rotten.com and steakandcheese must have jaded me, because that is gross. but its not that gross..".

I looked at bill and then I looked at the corpse-spread before me. "Well, yea, I mean, it's not as bad as that bloated fat corpse guy the police found in the hotel room with the porno mags and he had been in there for a week in 100 degree heat. But, that was just a jpeg, this...oh man, look at his intestines.."

My brother grabbed us both, "you guys are going to make me freaking PUKE! have you forgotten that any minute now there will be more space nazis? and they will most certainly make us look alot like homes here on the ground......and er, the wall...and my shoe."

"you're right!" I said. "let's get going billy!"

"don't call me billy." Bill turned a bit red.

"ah bill, sorry man" my brother said. "love you san!"

and my brother and I burst out lauging until a laser bolt flew past our heads.

"to the communications hub!" we all declared in unison, as the spider began attacking like an armadillo in a ketchup-filled-water-baloon store.

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deathcloset deathcloset writes  |  more than 11 years ago

"I can't belive you have to use Linux." Said Bill Gates. "I mean, what is so special about this spacecraft's systems that Linux is the only OS that can interface with it?"

I turned to bill and said, "Because my version of XP is cracked the spaceship will be able to tell that something is not right. Because Linux is free and such the spacecraft will do a routine check of the system and judge it to be a valid host."

Bill's mouth dropped open, "you pirate software!?" He was obviously quite shocked.

My brother answered, "of course we do, haven't you ever pirated software?"

Bill gates replied, "heavens no! I can't believe you pirated XP! how could you? it had a serial number that was 25 alpha numeric characters long, there is no way you could have guessed it!"

"Dude," my brother stated. "It's like the easiest piece of software to get a pirated version of. Didn't anyone tell you?"

Bill Gates looked flabbergasted. "My guys told me that it was virtually impenitrable. That no one would be able to crack it. I mean, you know... Because I'm so rich!"

My brother looked at me and I at him. Then we both looked at Bill Gates. My brother spoke.

"Now Bill, while being rich is a reason for a lot of things happening it has very little to do with the propogation of ISO images and serial numbers. I know this may be a bit hard to comprehend, but just becuase you are so nauseatingly rich that I could shit doesn't mean that your employees werent lying to you about the impenitrable security of windows. In fact it's pretty full of holes, don't you read slashdot?"

Bill stood up a little straighter, "of course I read slashdot, just no articles with my cyborg picture above them. They make me mad and I cut my hand once when I punched my monitor. I hate that COYBOY NEAL!!!"

Bill was jumping up and down repeating his deep loathing for slashdot and Coyboy Neil, the.

My brother put his hand on bills shoulder. "Bill, man, don't worry about it. 2000 server was a great operating system. Your NT 5.0 kernel was great. Besides, even though we have to use linux to interface with this spacecrafts systems the virus we are loading into it is written in Visual Basic! doesn't that make you feel better?"

Bill Gates sniffled behind his fogged glasses, "really?" he asked.

"yes bill," my brother responded. "It's a 5k file written completely in VB. See? you did make something good."

Bill gates cheered up a little, "well, that's good news then. Let's blow up these space Nazi's spacship shall we!"

And with that My little brother double clicked on his desktop icon of Tux the linux penguin who was holding the microsoft logo and imediately the lights dimmed and a low rumbling started from deep within the spacecrafts bowels.

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deathcloset deathcloset writes  |  more than 11 years ago "So even now as we crawl through these vents the space ship is exploding right?" Asked my brother rather earnestly.
"right," I affirmed."In fact because this space ship is so many light seconds long as soon as the main reactor goes we will have 1 and a half seconds before we see the blast."
"But I bought us these space time shields you guys developed at such a high cost, and they are going to keep us safe right?" Bill gates asked.
I responded, "I hope so. In true cinematic fasion we havent gotten a chance to try them out yet."
Bill gates thought for a second and then responded, "cinematic, like the proton packs in ghost busters right? they never tried those out before they tested them right?"
"oh, you betcha!" I said, "and I think a malfunction could be pretty much as bad as what egon said in ghostbusters..."
"what did egon say?" bill gates asked
"shit I don't know." I said. "I don't have access to the internet right now."
"well," answered bill gates."We spent a shitload of money on them so I am going to turn my shit on!"
And with that bill gates flipped the little switch on the little pager-sized device on his belt and space and time were innefectual against him. He was outside of all, but able to filter the spectrum to allow visible, non harmful light and audible sound - as well as smell, though the gigaton hydrogen bomb explosion of the ships main reactor may not be the best smelling of events.
"fuck yea!" I said to bill gates."you totally didn't phase your own ass out of exsitence!."
Bill Gates looked kind of mad. "yOU Mean that I could have been destroyed!"
I answered coolly, "Bill, my brotha" I gave him a handshake, followed by a reversal to Thumb-grip, followed by a slideout/snap moving to a double fist punch then we shouldered each other and ended with a two hand slap. "No worries fool, we were here in the space time envelope with you, we would have desintegrated too."
Bill sniffled, "good man, I thought you were playing a trick on me."
"Aww bil...buddy!" I gave Bill a hug. "Don't worry about it, I like you just the way you are."
Bill looked up at me and said, "Thanks bro, that means alot to me. My self-esteem is kind of low at times, I mean, billionare thing aside and all.
I then sang "stand by me" as the ships main reactors armor had been pierced and meltdown had led to reaction had finally led to gigaton hydrogen bomb explosion.
"We better get to a ship!" I said, "otherwise we will have to float out in space for a while and that would suck, I want to be on the planet when the carcass of this ship goes down." I said
"Dude, I totaaly agree" said bill gates.
so we found a ship and flew to the planet below.

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deathcloset deathcloset writes  |  more than 11 years ago "it's really amazing how the space nazi's spaceships all look just like the Empire's space ships from star wars eh?" Said Bill Gates.
We stood atop a moutain watching the flaming remains of the Space Nazis spacecraft falling to the planets surface.
I said, "it's a good thing we have these space-time shields around us, because objects of that mass," I pointed to the triangular spacecraft, which was so exactly like a super star destroyer that It was a practical copyright infringment, fracturing the crust of this planet like a knife cutting a pie, "Carving up the crust of this planet like that with all that magma," I said magma like dr evil from austin powers but neither Bill Gates or my brother laughed.
I continued. "As I was saying, these space-time shields will allow the super dense mile high waves of magma, sections of earth and other super-physical phenomena of this event to pass by and around us while we watch through visible light and comfotable audio filters."
"and I payed for them right?" asked Bill Gates.
"yes, you payed for everything homeboy" I responded.
"Dope., good times." and we gave each other the esoteric, hip-pop-esqe handshake we had invented earlier when were crawling through that same gigantic, exploding-spaceships vents.

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The End.

deathcloset deathcloset writes  |  more than 11 years ago So that's the story of how I, Bill Gates, my Brother and all those other people beat the space Nazis and saved the multi-verse. Had the amazing deductive skills I posses coupled with the super dope spaceship piloting and all the other stuff I, Bill Gates and my brother not been, then the whole of the Multiverse would certainly have come under the clutches of the space Nazis. And The simple answer to our amazingly clever way to outwit those who would rule the multiverse/all of creation!?.. we did everything in reverse time with my reverse time machine, and some AI help :) - also pot.

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deathcloset deathcloset writes  |  more than 11 years ago One good thing about slashdot is the fact I don't have to worry about it closing down and deleting everything I have posted and created on it. Domainvalet.com was not so accomodating

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AI? Ternary? You're talking crazy!

deathcloset deathcloset writes  |  more than 11 years ago You know. Ternary logic doesn't really seem to apply specifically to AI at all does it? Basically I just want some damn AI! Like the benevolent kind that runs a perfect technocracy and keeps humans around as pets...Pets with massive bandwidth!

like the singularity

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