Star Wars Takes Over Harvard Commencement
That was all part of the joke - in the program distributed to family & guests, it didn't SAY "John Harvard, Jedi Knight," it said "Latin Salutatory: Iohannes Harvard, Eques Iediensis." And then all the student programs had an insert with the transcript and an English translation. So we (the graduates) got to read along and laugh at all the dumb jokes (he called Yale the death star, yuk yuk), thus appearing to understand Latin like the good little Hahvahd sophisticates we're presumed to be. It wasn't "stupid," it was just a bit of a light inside joke.
BTW, can any other slashdotters who attended in a non-student capacity verify that you didn't get the translation? It was definitely an insert, and not part of the regular program, but obviously I can't be sure who got them and who didn't.