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robably writes | more than 5 years ago
They _cancelled_ My Name Is Earl? What were they THINKING? That series had legs, it could have run and run. They could have brought in other TV series like CHiPS and The Dukes Of Hazzard and made them all part of he same "in-series-reality-continuum-thingy". Hell they could probably even do a cross-over with the X-Files and wind up with an excellent My Name Is Earl where Randy is running around with an E.T. in a shopping trolley trying to save him from the authorities.
No, I was heading somewhere else... MOVIE!! There needs to be a My Name Is Earl ZOMBIE MOVIE!!! Just film it, throw everything in it, don't even get the budget first, just steal some cameras and film it NOW!. Think of the plot AFTERWARDS, work backwards, think of an exciting scene - Earl gets run over by a herd of stampeding elephants, OK now you need Randy before that to say "Oh no. The zoo has escaped! I mean, the animals from within the walls of.., the elephants are escaped!!!" Then cut that in before and you've got a SCENE, a couple more of them and you've got a MOVIE. But it should be about Zombies, the elephants are just a dramatic aside like they have in films, like those old black and white war films when World War II people with goggles say "War is Hell. It sure is. Damn. Damn." and then elephants sweep across the German tanks, that kind of thing.
So there's a movie, there's a big PRÉMIÉRE (with an accent over every letter of the word "Premiere" because "One looked good, two looked even better, so we thought, what the Hell!") where Jason Lee strides out wearing a huge black and white vertically-striped suit, smoking a cigar and driving a Monster Truck. There are streamers coming down from the buildings either side like a motorcade, lights shining up in the sky so bright they're contacting Alien life we haven't even met yet, there's Lou Ferrigno! Just because we can! And the world is ALIVE!!!!
And after the movie, when the series gets re-commissioned, there'll be an episode where Earl says to Randy "Yeah, do you remember when you sawed that head off that zombie by accident when you were fishing in the Crab Shack fish-tank with one hand and holding a running chainsaw in the other and felt something icky in the fishtank so you went Urgh! and swung around and just happened to catch the Big-Ass lead zombie's head and it whipped around in to the fan and you didn't even notice you did it?", and Randy would say "No." and Earl would say "Yeah, you know, during the big zombie invasion." and Randy would say "Huh?" and Earl would say "What?" "You don't remember the big zombie invasion? When all the helicopters and SWAT teams arrived and when Catalina died? Uh-huh! Catalina DIED! And then she was brought back to some kind of un-dead life by the guy with the big green water-tank thing in his basement and now we have to skirt around calling her Zombie-Catalina because she gets touchy about it and bites off and eats parts of people she shouldn't? The biggest thing that ever happened in Camden?" Earl looks around the bar, "What, Nothing?" Suddenly quizzical, "Well it does sound kind of weird now I say it out loud. Hmm." And that would be the last you'd hear of it. Except there'd be one time in the Crab Shack when Darnell mentions zombies by mistake and laughs and everyone is suddenly silent and looks around and then down at their beer and Darnell goes "OH, uh, whoops." and everyone shuffles away.
And if there was any way to get Hurley from Lost in there, I would make it happen. He is the best thing to happen to television in forever.