During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
When asked why such a big password, she said she was told it had to be at least 8 characters.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The police woman replied, It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the police woman.
'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror.
Then she handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'
You need this lesson
Betty, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the
church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.
Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities,
but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member,
of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front
of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George
(and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what
he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just
turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of
Betty's house... walked home... and left it there all night.
You gotta love George.
A couple of months ago, I discovered a podcast called Manager Tools.
Allow me to paraphrase from their description of what it's all about. This is a down-to-earth approach to things you should be doing to make yourself a more effective manager. Each week they talk about new tools and easy techniques you can use to help achieve your management and career objectives. If you're tired of a lot of management theory and would rather learn specific actions you can take TODAY to improve your management performance, I think you'll enjoy the Manager Tools podcast.
This isn't some high-concept presentation where you agree with what's being said but then struggle to integrate it into your daily routine, like a lot of books on management seem to be.
It's like getting a weekly management training class. And one of very high quality at that.
I highly recommend you take a look at this cast.
Those of you who know me well, know that I travel extensively on business; 150k-250k mi/yr.
On my last trip, I missed getting the new carry on restrictions by something like three hours. With a lot more trips coming up, I started to plan on how to get all of my necessary toiletries on board with me so I could avoid the uncertainties associated with checked baggage.
Now, in the middle of a San Francisco - Hong Kong - Mumbai - Chennai trip, I'm happy to report on the results so far.
To summarize what I did:
- Tooth powder instead of tooth paste
- A shaving brush and soap instead of canned shaving cream
- Stick deodorant
First the tooth powder. Man, this is some weird stuff. It's gritty and kind of salty-tasting - nothing like conventional toothpaste. To say it takes getting used to is an understatement. However, it leaves my teeth feeling very clean and the cinnamon aftertaste in my mouth is actually pleasant.
Now the shaving soap and brush are great stuff! I remember my playing with my dad's when I was a little boy and it's even more fun as a grownup. I guess I'm a sucker for small rituals - wetting the brush, working up a lather, applying it to my face (a sensual experience). It also does a better job of lubricating my skin for the razor. I may keep using this when I get back!
The stick deodorant. Yuck! Normally, I use an unscented gel, Almay. My local Walgreens didn't have an unscented stick, so I'm stuck with Speed Stick Cool Blast. I hate the smell.
Oh, one more thing. If anybody ever tries to book you on Air India, beg and plead for an alternative. The worst plane I have been on in my life, and that's saying something. The ceiling was still stained with nicotine from back when they had smoking flights. Uncomfortable seats with no seat power, in business no less! Food was decent but, hey, it's still airplane food.
Back to the Bay Area on Wed. Until Sunday when I leave for a press tour for a new product launch.
This isn't an entry for the squeamish, so if you are, stop reading now.
We've been trying to cut down on red meat consumption in our house, saving beefy goodness for the weekends and focusing on chicken, fish, etc... during the week. Thursday afternoon, my wife picked up some escolar from the fish market at the recommendation of the fishmonger. He cautioned that it was an oily fish, but very tasty. Since we both miss east coast fish like mackerel and bluefish, oily wasn't a turnoff.
When I got home from work, I fired up the charcoal grill and cooked the fish. We loved it. The kids loved it. Very tasty... not too strong, but definitely oily.
On Friday, we got hit with an unpleasant side effect. Remember Olestra, the non-digestible fat? The one that had "anal leakage" as a side effect? Well, we all received a nice, first-hand lesson, that has continued through today.
I pop over to Wikipedia and some other sources to read up on escolar. It turns out that the fish cannot metabolize the "waxy esters" in their diet (whatever the hell that means... do they eat candles?) and this results in a high oil content in their meat. Well, it turns out that humans can't metabolize that oil. At all. I'm on my 5th pair of briefs today and I'm being, how should I put it, overly cautious about passing gas.
So, if somebody urges you try try some nice, tasty escolar, run away! Either that or buy some Depends.
Why the hell do they even sell this? What's next? A fish that makes you vomit blood?
Two old women were talking and exchanging notes on their sexual activities. The first old woman told the second old woman that sometimes she gets her husband excited at night by getting totally naked, lying in bed and putting her two legs behind her head yoga style.
The second old woman thought that was a great idea, so that night, when her husband went in the bathroom to get ready for bed, she got totally naked and began the process of putting her two legs behind her head.
The first leg was kind of tough to put in place as she was a bit arthritic but she finally got it in place. She had an even tougher time with the second leg, so she rocked herself backwards until she finally got it behind her head.
However, she had rocked just a little too hard so that she flipped slightly backwards and got stuck that way with her butt sticking straight up in the air.
It was just then that her husband came out of the bathroom.
"Gladys!" he exclaimed. "For heavens sake, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an asshole!"
[If you don't like this kind of humor, navigate away now.]
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."
Mujibar said, "I am ready"
The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready"
The manager said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems.
No doubt you have spoken to him, except he calls himself Sam on the phone.
Two guys on a Flyertalk forum (the Slashdot for frequent flyers). One from Beirut. The other from Yiron, Israel. Reporting live as events develop.
I just ran through my mp3 collection and picked whatever jumped out at me. janeowit will probably find this list quite boring, but I'm hoping there's at least one in there she hasn't heard of (Bob Wills or possibly Jimmy Reed
A - Alison - Elvis Costello
B - Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
C - Come See About Me - Diana Ross & The Supremes
D - Drowned - Pete Townshend
E - Evil Gal Blues - Aretha Franklin
F - Fun Fun Fun - The Beach Boys
G - Going For the One - Yes
H - Homeward Bound - Simon & Garfunkel
I - I'm One - The Who
J - Jessica - The Allman Brothers Band
K - Kansas City - Jimmy Reed
L - Layla - Cream
M - Mississippi Queen - Mountain
N - Nick of Time - Bonnie Raitt
O - Once Bitten Twice Shy - Mott the Hoople
P - Por Una Cabeza - Carlos Gardel
Q - Queen of Las Vegas - The B-52s
R - Roly Poly - Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys
S - Sympathy for the Devil - The Rolling Stones
T - Tenth Avenue Freeze Out - Bruce Springsteen
U - Undun - The Guess Who
V - Victim of Love - The Eagles
W - Willin' - Little Feat
X - Xanadu - Rush (by default... only X I have)
Y - You Can Have My Husband - Stevie Ray Vaughan w/Lou Ann Barton
Z - Ziggy Stardust - David Bowie
When buying shoes & furniture, buy the highest quality you can afford. Advice from my mom that has served me well.
Reading is the best form of escape.
And of course, the lightning rod / seismometer thing
1. Think of the first word that comes to mind when you think of me.
2. Go to: http://images.google.com and search for that word.
3. Reply to this post with one of the pictures on the first page of results (but do not tell me the word).
4. Put this in your own journal so that I can do the same.
Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning. He told Bush
that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. To everyone's amazement,
all of the color ran from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk,
head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering. Finally, he composed
himself and asked Rumsfeld, "Just exactly how many is a brazillion?"
A robed man with long hair and a beard walks into a hotel, lays 3 nails on the counter, looks at the clerk and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual
to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found
four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four
in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which
of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the
conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing
you know of?"
Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT." It
just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way;
it's just there. A THOUGHT is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he asked
the second man.
that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very
popular cliché for speed." He then turned to the third man who was
contemplating his reply.
"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall
there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the
pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep,
TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he
had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light," he said.
Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the
Old Bubba replied, "After hear! ing the three previous answers, It's
obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."
"WHAT?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"Oh I can explain." said Old Bubba. "You see the other day I wasn't
feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but, before I could THINK,
BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already pooped in my pants."
Old Bubba is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!!!!
Ocean or Lake?
Lake. I have great memories of Long Lake in upstate NY from the late 70s
Pizza or Chinese?
Chinese, especially authentic Hunan
Mansion or Penthouse?
Mansion. With acreage
Have you been on a Jet Ski?
Are you afraid of clowns?
How many brothers/sisters do you have?
One older sister. One younger brother. Two younger sisters (one deceased)
Bob Wills and His Texas Playboys
Baseball or football?
Favorite brand of makeup?
I've been known to use some La Pairie, eye puff/dark circle eliminator on long international trips
Waffles or pancakes?
Do you have an iPod?
No. Nor any other portable music player
Bike or scooter?
Ever go in a hot air balloon?
How will you celebrate turning 21?
Geez... There's a time machine that will allow me to travel backwards 26 years?
What brand computer do you have?
Apple/Dell/IBM/Sony I have lots of computers
How many times have you been to DisneyWorld?
I was married at DisneyWorlsd (I am not making this up)
To live? Boston. To visit? Munich.
Ice cream or frozen yogurt?
Do you think you are fat?
No. I know I am overweight by about 25 lbs.
Ever throw up in a public place?
Yup. And I've been thrown up upon in a public place. Just wait 'til you have kids.
Do you have a pool?
Does the inflatbale one for the kids count?
Ever drive a car?
Many, many cars, trucks, a snow cat in the Canadia Arctic and a 40ft RV several times each summer.
How many times a month do you go to the movies?
Netflix is my friend
Last movie you saw?
Uh, Toy Story 2. Oh, last grownup movie? Midnight Run. Is there such a thing as a bad DiNiro movie?
Who is your hero?
My dad, Larry Bird, and my old chocolate lab, Hershey, in that order
How old are your parents?
My mom's 83, dad's deceased, but would have been 80 and I miss him terribly.
What deceased person would you like to meet?
My paternal grandfather. He died when my dad was a boy.
Do you chew ice?
Have you been to California?
I have lived in California for the past 23 years
Last book you read? And finished?
Capital Murder by William Burnhart. Previous to that, Market Forces by Richard Morgan (stick to Kovacs, Dick), Cell by Stephen King and Broken Prey by John Sanford.
High school French teacher, Mr Jourcin
Do you like to go fishing?
Yes. I'm teaching my 6 yr old boy, who, for his very first fish, landed a 22" 6lb rainbow trout. Try resetting those expecatations.
How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?
Too many girfriends to count. I was single until age 37.
How many of those do you regret?
None. The all comprise some part of who I am today..
What is your average in school?
High. Very high.
Favorite professional team?
Do you like mohawks?
They were a pretty proseperous tribe in upstate NY back in the day.
How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Probably a dozen or so.
Do you floss?
Do you have braces?
No. I probably should have though, especially the lowers.
Do you bite your nails?
Unfortunately yes. Hard habit to break.
What is your last thought before falling asleep?
I tend to fall asleep reading.
Do you fall in love easily?
Not since meeting my wife. OK, I fell in love pretty easily with my kids too.
Ever have a crush and they never knew?
Do you babysit?
I'm told when their my kids, it's called "parenting". I get enough of it from my own two do even think about sitting for others.
Ever been shot at?
Yes. In anger.
Do you work out/exercise?
Nowhere near as much as I should.
Do you have 6 pack abs?
They're under there somewhere.
Do you consider yourself nice?
For the most part.
What movie character would you like to be?
Jack Ryan in Hunt for Red October.
Do you go to camp for the summer?
When I was a kid, yes. Now we RV.
Ever been bit by a snake?
Yes. It hurts.
Have you been on a boat?
Both and ships, yes. I used to crew for a friend with a great sailboat.
Name of friend you have known the longest?
Buddy of mine from when we were 13 or so.
Do you like jumping on a trampoline?
It's ok, but I don't usually look for trampoline opportunities.
Ever break a bone?
Yes. Right tibia near ankle at age 15.
Name of favorite Aunt/Uncle?
I really liked both my maternal Uncle Ed and my paternal Uncle Jack. Both deceased and I miss them both.
What is your ultimate job?
Challenging with an ability to make a big impact. I realize that I have just described the job of Human Cannonball.
Do you want to walk on the moon?
Can you name the seven dwarfs?
Goofy, Sloppy, Angry, Silly, Baldy, Itchy, Gassy, and Horny.
Favorite TV show?
Apples or oranges?
If Clementines count as an orange, then oranges, otherwise, apples.
Favorite model of car?
BMW E39 M5
Besides family, ever have someone of the opp sex in your bedroom?
Yes. Our babysitter. No, my last name is not Kennedy.
Ever climb out your bedroom window?
Do you live in an apartment or house?
How many times in the last month have you had the hiccups?
Ever laugh so hard milk came out your nose?
Probably, but I don't remmeber.
How many cousins do you have?
Eight first cousins. One deceased.
Do you believe in ghosts?
Not until I see one.
If you were a bird, what would you be?
Some kind of raptor.
Ever get stitches?
Too many to count. I was a rough and tumble kid.
If you could, would you want to know what your future was going to be?
No. No point in getting up in the morning then.
How many kids do you want to have?
Two. My wife wants another, but we're done.
If you could change your name, what would it be?
I'm very happy with the one I have now.
Dogs or cats?
Who do you tell your problems to?
Who can your tell your secrets to and know they won't tell?
Do you believe in love at first sight?
I ddi many times. The last time, it stuck.
Do you go to church?
No, and it kind of bothers me from time to time.
Would you marry outside your religon?
I would have, but ended up not doing so.
Volleyball or tennis?
How many people were at your last party?
Oh geez... about 40?
Ever ride in a limo?
Yes, the thrill is long gone.
Ever drink champagne?
From time to time. NV Veuve Clicquot is my favorite afforable champagne
Red meat and gin (originally said by Julia Child)
My boss forwarded this to me.
A store that sells New Husbands has just opened in New York City, where a
woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store
operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the
attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor,
or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to
exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and
are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 -These men have jobs,
love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh,
mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have
jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have
a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign
reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no
men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
A New Wives Store opened across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
From NY Times columnist, David Pogue:
RULES FOR TROLLS AND PILLS
WHEREAS, 95 percent of all the e-mail received by critics and columnists is civil, friendly or respectfully constructive;
but WHEREAS, this is the Internet age, and we're all anonymous and can avoid making eye contact forever;
and WHEREAS, there's so much information overload, a little heat and drama on your part may be necessary just to be heard above the din;
and WHEREAS, many of those who fire off potshots are missing out on some of the best techniques for effective snippiness;
THEREFORE let us now post the rules for membership in the Pills of the American Internet Neighborhood Society.
1. Use the strongest language possible. Calling names is always effective, and four-letter words show that you mean business.
2. Having a violent opinion of something doesn't require you to actually try it yourself. After all, plenty of people heatedly object to books they haven't read or movies they haven't seen. Heck, you can imagine perfectly well if something is any good.
3. If it's a positive review that you didn't like, call the reviewer a "fanboy." Do not entertain the notion that the product, service, show, movie, book or restaurant might, in fact, be good. Instead, assume that the reviewer has received payment from the reviewee. Work in the word "shill" if possible.
4. If it's a negative review, call the reviewer a "basher" and describe the review as a "hatchet job." Accuse him of being paid off by the reviewee's *rival*.
5. If it's a mixed review, ignore the passages that balance the argument. Pretend that the entire review is all positive or all negative. Refer to it either as a "rave" or a "slam."
6. If you find a sentence early in the article that rubs you the wrong way, you are by no means obligated to finish reading. Stop right where you are--express your anger while it's still good and hot! What are the odds that the writer is going to say anything else relevant to your point later in the piece, anyway?
7. If the writer responds to your e-mail with evidence that you're wrong (for example, by citing a paragraph that you overlooked), disappear without responding. This is the anonymous Internet; slipping away without consequence or civility is your privilege.
8. Trolling is making a deliberately inflammatory remark, one that you know perfectly well is baloney, just to get a rise out of other people. Trolling is an art. Trolling works just fine for an audience of one (say, a journalist), but of course the real fun is trolling on public bulletin boards where you can get dozens of people screaming at you simultaneously. Comments on religion, politics or Mac-vs.-Windows are always good bets. The talented troll sits back to enjoy the fireworks with a smirk, and never, ever responds to the responses.
9. Don't let generalities slip by. Don't tolerate simplifications for the sake of a non-technical audience. Ignore conditional words like "generally," "usually" and "most." If you read a sentence that says, for example, "The VisionPhone is among the first consumer videophones," cite the reviewer's ignorance and laziness for failing to mention the prototype developed by AT&T for the 1964 World's Fair. Send copies of your note to the publication's publisher and, if possible, its advertisers.
And there you have it: the nine habits of highly effective pills. After all: if you're going to be a miserable curmudgeon, you may as well do it up right!
Currently, I have an old B&W G3 Mac, a dual P3-600Mhz linux box & a P4-1.7Ghz Windows machine. With the new iMac coming on Tuesday, the goal is to consolidate the three. Getting rid of the G3 is trivial, as it's essentialy just used for iMovie. Move over the movies and trash it. The linux box has been relegated to some sw development and mail reader. Oh, it's also the primary DNS for my domain. I'll move my primary to my machine in the colo that also hosts Network Mirror and move the data for sw dev and email to the new Mac. Trash the old linux box. That leaves the Windows box.
The Windows machine is, though I hate to admit it, somewhat of a workhorse. I rip all my dvds there. Quicken, which I use religiously, is there too. Also all of the MS Office bits, including Project and Visio. Photoshop + Nikon Capture round out the main uses.
I'm fortunate to have a copy of MS Office 2004 for the Mac, and Nikon Capture is a dual OS CD (Win/Mac). I don't know what to do about Photoshop. I dread having to lay out major $$$ for something I already own. Does Adobe permit tranferring across platforms? I also need to solve for ripping dvds (making backups of my legally owned copied, of course), Project and Visio. Quicken can be moved, but it will be a PITA. Any idea for replacing DVD Decrypter, DVD Shrink, Visio & Project? I'd love to get some space back in my home office, and, living in CA, I'd also like to reduce my electric bill.